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This-essay is a9906012.htm which is available at the web-site www.essayz.com. See more notes at the bottom. Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay By-Months By-Years By-Words Webs of Like-&-Un-Like ESSAYS <==> Like-&-UN-Like This-One ========================================================== %MEANINGFUL HEALTHY INTEGRATIVE RESPECTABLE FRIEND+990601 %INTIMACY SEXUALITY RELATIONSHIPS MUTUAL BALANCED+990601 %PLEASURE SATISFACTION GENTLE LIBERATION EXCLUSIVE 990601 To facilitate and promote healthy friendships, intimacy and sexuality we need to be clear about what are, and what are not, essential prerequisites to them. We can become perverse if we are misled in believing that some aspects of some such relationships are essential in exclusive ways. It is often difficult to distinguish between what is essential, and what is not necessarily essential. We may be unable to recognize the absence of what is essential. We may be unable to recognize that focusing exclusively upon what is NOT essential, may lead to the absence of what is truly essential. The following are suggestive of some aspects of healthy friendships, intimacy and sexuality. 1. Mutuality and balance are essential. Relationships which are unilateral and/or unbalanced are not healthy. If there is unilateral dominance, coercion and/or violence --- the relationship is not health. 2. Honesty and openness are essential. Pretense, deception, secrecy and collusive games of mutual self deception undermine the integrity of relationships --- leading to tragic dis-ease, illness, contention, tension, conflicts, and so to personal and communal disintegration. 3. Growth and hope are essential. When people in relationships stop growing and hoping --- they and their relationships die. In death their relationships may appear to continue without life, authenticity, mutuality, balance, honesty, openness, growth or hope. 4. Liberation and freedom are essential. Relationships within which participants are not free to be true to themselves and to each other --- are not healthy. Compulsive preoccupations with issues of control, conformity, law, order and discipline --- are characteristics of unhealthy relationships. 5. Preoccupations which are exclusive of the above essential aspects of healthy relationships --- are not essential; they are signs of dysfunctional un- healthy relationships which do not merit respect or support. People who are trapped in dysfunctional un-healthy RELATIONSHIPS need our understanding, respect and support; even though their RELATIONSHIPS do not merit our respect or support. People are not the same as their relationships. Relationships are not the same as the people who are participants within them. People and their relationships are closely interdependent; but they are not identical to each other. We are bound to become involved in unhealthy dysfunctional relationships --- if we fail to distinguish between people and their relationships. It is helpful to recognize why/how people get trapped in prisons of compulsive preoccupations which undermine personal and communal integrity. 1. People individually and in cohesive communities of faith --- often come to regard certain ancient texts as literally true in some absolute sense which they regard as unchanging --- in spite of subsequent changes in languages, cultures, sciences, technologies, communities, people and their inter-relationships. Such people become frozen and imprisoned in their conceptions of the best of the past --- which for them become their gods. Their idolatry undermines mutuality, balance, honesty, openness, growth, hope, liberation, and freedom. 2. People become preoccupied with internal and external expectations ---and with issues of control and loyalty. People entrap themselves in collusive games of mutual self deception --- in futile efforts to achieve security conceived of as freedom from vulnerability. 3. Many people fear God who is Love --- because they refuse to believe that true security is the freedom to be safely vulnerable within friendships, intimacies and sexual relationships which are mutual, balanced, honest, open, growing, hopeful, liberating and free. 4. Technocrats seek to achieve salvation through the fruits of objective science and technologies --- which are designed to achieve pre-conceived goals. Technocrats are unable to distinguish between technical problems which can be "solved"; and human dilemmas which pertain to conflict resolution in the realm of reflexive relationships ---with their conflicting ideals, values and principles --- which are not objective realities separate from humans and their relationships. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in www.essayz.com Search for Integrity and Honesty (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================
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This-essay is a9906012.htm which is available at the web-site www.essayz.com. These 5 lines echo top lines. Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay By-Months By-Years By-Words Webs of Like-&-Un-Like ESSAYS <==> Like-&-UN-Like This-One