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This-essay is a9707171.htm which is available at the web-site See more notes at the bottom. Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay By-Months By-Years By-Words Webs of Like-&-Un-Like ESSAYS <==> Like-&-UN-Like This-One ========================================================== %PRIVATE INTIMATE RELATIONSHIPS 970717 See the preceding essays for background information. It is particularly difficult to be in agreement about what is a healthy balance between various principles of morality pertaining to intimate relationships. The difficulty originates in at least the following facts of life: 1. Vulnerability increases with intimacy and trust. 2. Vulnerability increases with privacy. 3. Power balance is essential to true intimacy and trust. 4. Mutuality in desire is essential to true intimacy and trust. 5. Desire for privacy increases with intimacy and trust. 6. Intrusion by outsiders into private intimate re- lations encourages secrecy/deception/alienation/resentment and reduces creativity/spontaneity/authenticity. 7. Outsiders are not and cannot be well informed about the nature of private intimate relationships --- and so cannot accurately predict the consequences of anybody intruding into them. 8. Participants in private intimate relationships may therein be participants in collusive games of mutual self deception --- which they cannot transcend without seeking and accepting outside insights and help. The more perverse a private intimate relationship is --- the less likely the participants are to seek and accept the outside help that they need --- and the more alienative is any intrusion likely to be. The more intrusive people are into private intimate relationships --- the more clever, subtle, and invisible such relationships become --- increasing the alienation between intimate people (seeking to respond to the promptings of love), from intrusive people (determined to rescue people from misguided and/or incompetent love.) Alienative relationships will not be transcended or healed by focusing attention upon: Who is guilty, Who is to blame, Who should be punished, What laws were violated, Who did not conform properly, Who is imperfect, Who is better than others, Issues of control, Either/or demands or questions, Authoritative statements, prescriptions or proscriptions. Selected scriptures chosen to show who is right and who is wrong. Alienation is most helpfully described in terms of communications which are: Blocked Prevented Avoided Judgmental Perverted Undermined Confused Arrogant Impossible Unwanted Feared Self-Righteous Chaotic Abused Terminated Rude Inaccurate Unreliable Distrusted Incomplete One-way Tenuous Misinterpreted Collusive Censored Selective Filtered Dishonest Formalized Specialized Constrained Misleading Strained Violent Coercive Dichotomous Hurtful Failed Faultful Either/or Unskilled Disconnected Incoherent Spiteful To overcome alienation (which is the essence of evil and the motivater of immortality) we need to deal openly and honestly with: 1. Each of the tragic aspects of alienation. 2. The human experiences which occasion alienation. 3. The limitations of human technologies, powers and resources. 4. The importance of Love. 5. Multiple causes of each effect, and multiple effects of each cause. 6. Complex webs of fee-back loops which augment both alienation and immoral patterns of behavior. 7. Human tendencies to be tolerant of immoral behaviors which are like our own, but intolerant of immoral behaviors which are unlike our own. People who have not been offered, accepted, and enjoyed true security --- known as the freedom to be safely vulnerable --- are bound to be defensive and engaged in alienative/immoral relationships. Their defensive maneuvers generate insecurity and alienation with echoes which come back to haunt them via multiple feed-back loops. There are no technical solutions or fixes by which to overcome such alienation/immortality; not even the best laws, prescriptions, and judicial procedures can overcome such alienation/immorality. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in Search for Integrity and Honesty (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================
Lines beginning with a percent sign are  KEYWORDS  for use
in ESSAY-System Searches.  Their terminal digits are dates
of writing in the format @yymmdd#, where @ =  a  means 99,
@ =  b  means 20, and # = is a within-date essay-count.

Links to date-adjacent essays are near  page top & bottom.

Find the following links by clicking on CENTER when CENTER near the top or bottom of a web page of 1. Go to HOME PAGE of 2. Find brief-essays via keywords 3. Find brief-essay about ADDICTION 4. Search-Helps related to ABOVE-LINK 5. GoTo Action & Information Center 6. Find Regular-Essays via Year/Month 7. Find Regular-Essays via Word-Starts 8. Find Regular-Essay about LOVE

This-essay is a9707171.htm which is available at the web-site These 5 lines echo top lines. Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay By-Months By-Years By-Words Webs of Like-&-Un-Like ESSAYS <==> Like-&-UN-Like This-One