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This-essay is a9703241.htm which is available at the web-site See more notes at the bottom. Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay By-Months By-Years By-Words Webs of Like-&-Un-Like ESSAYS <==> Like-&-UN-Like This-One ========================================================== %REFLEXIVE SELF ESTEEM DEVELOPMENT IDEALS VALUES+970324 %CHILD ADULT PARENT AFFECTION AFFIRMATION RESPECT+970324 %CONDEMNATION REJECTION JUDGEMENT EXCOMMUNICATION 970324 The development of healthy self esteem entails many reflexive feed-back loops which cannot be controlled by any one person or group of people. The infant, child or adolescent who does not live within a truly secure context of mutual acceptance with affection expressed openly and honestly---grows up at a severe disadvantage in regards to developing a healthy self esteem. Lectures and reading of texts alone cannot fully compensate for such an early lack. Thus wars, terrorism, fanaticism, domestic abuse, addictions, judgementalism, condemnations, and their like inflict wounds unto the seventh generation of victims. It makes no sense to try to justify such behaviors as worthy of respect. Self esteem in part depends upon how successful a person is in living with integrity in terms of articulated ideals, values, principles --- and in terms of admired role models. If internalized ideals, values, principles and role models lack integrity, it is close to impossible to live with integrity in terms of them. Conflicts between and among them are bound to be expressed in ways which undermine self esteem in the eyes of self and of others. If we chose as friends people who do not respect our internal ideals, values, principles and admired role models --- we have thereby set ourselves up for conflicts between our internalized sense of well-being --- and the guidance we are likely to get from our chosen friends. It is then exceedingly difficult to live with integrity and healthy self esteem. If we or our friends try to live in terms of escalating perfectionistic principles --- it is never possible to live up to the moving target of such shifting principles. The ideal is to always be raising the standard in terms of which we and others pass judgement upon us and our sense of self-esteem. That is a formula for self destruction! If we and/or our friends try to live to please others who are trying to do the same --- there are no stable land-marks to serve as our basis for navigation through troubled waters. Appearances come to be of ultimate importance, and honesty is not expected. We cannot know whom to trust, and have no landmarks to serve as navigation beacons. We cannot refine our basis for self esteem in terms of objective scientific principles or procedures---for what we need are essentially reflexive realities which transcend objective considerations. We will do well to consider the totality of the lives of those who articulate and role-model what we consider as the possible bases for healthy self esteem. If they themselves demonstrate any lack of integrity--- beware! (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in Search for Integrity and Honesty (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================
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This-essay is a9703241.htm which is available at the web-site These 5 lines echo top lines. Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay By-Months By-Years By-Words Webs of Like-&-Un-Like ESSAYS <==> Like-&-UN-Like This-One