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This is Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %DETACH CONFLICT ADDICT CODEPEND DISHONESTY EVIL 940430 Often religious leaders have preached detachment from conflict and evil---and thereby have promoted conflict and alienative relationships. It is tragic when the need for detachment is misunderstood and/or perverted---for misunderstandings of true detachment often lead to tragic consequences. People who are in healthy recovery from addictive and codependent patterns of behavior are learning the healthy meaning of detachment. Through detachment we cease to try to control what we cannot control---and so stop playing collusive games of mutual self deception by which we appear to ourselves and to each other to be controlling what we cannot control. Detachment has much to do with honesty, and with detaching from dishonest games of mutual self deception. Detachment is ceasing to play God---no longer trying to do for God, what we wish God would give us the power to do on his behalf. Detachment is learning to relax---not only on the Sabbath---and being serene in healthy ways so that we are not manipulated by addicts into supporting their patterns of behavior with our financial resources and/or reactions which are in their style of reactions. Detachment is not getting into the gutter of dishonest games of mutual self deception---to fight dishonestly with people of the gutter in their style of mutual manipulations. Detachment is leaving to God the jobs of passing judgment, condemning and punishing those whom we regard as evil doers. To recover we must stop playing God. We cannot, however, detach from conflict and live healthy lives. There are inevitable conflicts within us and within our communities---because there are inevitable conflicts between and among our highest ideals, values, goals, aspirations, hopes and expectations. If we do not deal openly and honestly with such conflicts, we cannot resolve those conflicts in informed and honest ways. If we do not resolve our conflicts in healthy ways, our conflicts turn first into simple games of mutual manipulation, then into collusive games of dishonest mutual manipulation, then into collusive games of mutual self deception, and finally into overt violence. To reduce conflicts and violence we must work openly and honestly to resolve the conflicts among our highest ideals, values, goals, aspirations, hopes and expectations. This means detaching from our collusive games of mutual self deception---including the self deception that we can transcend conflict by pretending that conflict does not exist within us or within our closest relationships and fellowships. If we regard involvement in conflict-resolution to be evil---then our conflicts will fester in the hidden places of our private and communal lives---and explode in unexpected ways which are more violent and disintegrative than we can anticipate. When that which has been hidden so explodes, we will not be able to understand the tragic consequences of our efforts to appear to be free of conflict. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================