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This is Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %ABSENCE ASSURE ACCEPT PERSONAL COMMUNAL DIALOGUE+940501 %REFUGE SANCTUARY DEFENSE SECURITY 940501 In the absence of both personal and communal assurances that we are unconditionally secure in being accepted into open and honest dialogue within our community---we are prone to seek to achieve our own security through defensive technologies by which we seek to achieve assurances that we are invulnerable in our own certainty, absence of doubts, lack of ambiguity, arrogant self confidence, and degree of dominance over others. In the absence of healthy assurances given through gifts of security known by all members of our communities as the freedom to be safely vulnerable in intimate relationships---we are prone to seek our own perverse security in invulnerability which we imagine we can achieve through manipulations of truths, people, relationships, scriptures, and religious organizations. In the absence of healthy demonstrations of how safe it is to be vulnerable in open and honest intimate relationships---we are prone to be defensive and so to create a defensive climate in which all those around us are likely to be defensive in reaction to our defensiveness. Assurances of security known as the gift of the freedom to be safely vulnerable are not guarantees; and so may leave insecure people unsure, full of doubt, fearing ambiguity, and defensive. Insecure people want to eliminate doubts and ambiguity by clinging to certainty, dichotomous clarity, and questions which can be answered clearly, simply, and assuredly with either a "yes" or a "no". Other kinds of questions---which cannot be answered with either a "yes" or a "no" response---heighten their sense of their own insecurity, doubts, ambiguities and needs for being defensive. For them complex questions are taboo, and those people who ask complex questions are threatened with a doubtful status within their insecure community. For insecure people a doubtful status of ambiguity is worse than the clear status entailing certain threats; thus they see the manipulation of doubts, ambiguity and uncertainty as one of their most powerful tools. They see assurances of personal acceptance into an open and honest community of charitable dialogue---as a terrifying threat to their powers of manipulation. Openness, honesty and clear articulations of personal experiences undermine the perverse powers of participants in collusive games of mutual self deception. That is why they play their disintegrative games of mutual self deception---tragically unaware of how they are generating their own disintegration and the disintegration of those nearest and dearest to them. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================