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This is http://www.essayz.com/a9112071.htm Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %CONFLICT RESOLUTION ASK IMPORTANT QUESTION VALUE 911207 In the midst of each conflict it is important that participants in the conflict and observers of the conflict openly ask and honestly seek honest answers to the following very basic questions: Question #1. What values, ideals, principles, hopes and aspirations do each of the participants in the conflict believe in, articulate, promote or otherwise suggest are worthy of respect? What do they say that they stand for? How coherent are they in what they SAY that they stand for? Do their statements hang together and demonstrate real personal integrity? THIS QUESTION HAS TO DO WITH HOW PEOPLE PRESENT THEMSELVES. What kind of image of themselves do they promote? It is important to openly and honestly recognize and talk about the images of themselves which people in conflict present to others. Question #2. How well do the respective participants in each conflict work towards the fulfillment of the values, ideals, principles, hopes and aspirations which they ostensibly believe in, articulate, promote or otherwise suggest are worthy of respect? Do they behave with integrity in coherent support of what they say? Do their actions speak in concert with their words? This question focuses upon ACTIONS WHICH SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS alone. What kind of person are they in real fact? The images which people try to present of themselves do not always correspond to what they as persons really are! It is important to openly and honestly recognize and talk about the differences between people in this regard. Question #3. How TECHNICALLY COMPETENT AND EFFECTIVE are the respective participants in their efforts to work towards the fulfillment of the values, ideals, principles, hopes and aspirations which they ostensibly believe in, articulate, promote or otherwise suggest are worthy of respect? Some people are sincere, but not technically competent and/or effective. It is important to openly and honestly recognize and talk about the differences between people in this regard. Question #4. How well do the respective participants encourage and facilitate creative endeavors of other people to help really resolve the conflicts? Do they help to create secure contexts within which other people really feel free to, and actually do contribute their creative insights both openly and honestly? Openness and honesty entail vulnerability. Real security is the freedom to be vulnerable. This question has to do with whether participants ENGENDER FEAR, OR PROMOTE SECURE CONTEXTS WHICH MINIMIZE FEAR. Question #5. What KIND OF POWERS DO THE VARIOUS PARTICIPANTS EXERCISE? Are they "respected" because people fear their ability, power and inclination to manipulate and coerce other persons? Or, are they truly respected because of their personal integrity and their efforts to promote communal integrity? How secure are the various participants in who they are? Do they honestly know themselves? Are they being true to themselves and to other people? Or, are they fearful and defensive? Do they engender fear and defensiveness in others, and exercise power that way? Question #6. Do the various participants act so as to TURN CONFLICTS INTO PERSONAL CONTESTS; or do they act so as to help participants in conflicts cooperate with each other by clarifying the competing values, ideals, principles, hopes and aspirations which in practice often lead in conflicting ways? To the extent that our responses to conflict are motivated and led by fear, to that extent we become victim/participants with those people who use fear as a tool in manipulating other persons as addicts and codependents---who are trapped in their prisons of addiction, codependence and collusive games of mutual self deception; including ourselves. To the extent that our responses to conflict are motivated and led by Love, to that extent we become liberators of the children of God who are trapped in the prisons of addiction, codependence and collusive games of mutual self deception; including ourselves. If we perceive conflicts to be holy battles between agents of evil and agents of good, then we are deeply troubled because we have eaten the forbidden fruit of the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil, and are alienated from each other. If we perceive conflicts as open and honest dialogue between people seeking to promote both personal and communal integrity through the Works of Love, then we can enjoy each other's honest and intimate presence; which is the closest thing we know to heaven. The choices which exist are always ours to make and own. By what choices we make and own our personal and communal lives are decided. We need to be open and honest with ourselves and each other about what choices we have made, are making, and may make; that we may own the consequences of each, and learn from them. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================