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This is Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %UNDERSTAND COLLUSIVE ADDICTIVE DEPENDENT LOGIC 900624 We cannot cope creatively with the dilemmas of collusive, addictive and codependent behavior if we do not properly understand the confused reasoning and/or logic of those who engage in such behavior. We cannot properly understand collusive, addictive and codependent reasoning and/or logic if we are compulsively dedicated to exclusively intellectual, scholarly, quantitative, objective, scientific and linear processes. We cannot properly understand collusive, addictive and codependent reasoning and/or logic if we are compulsively dedicated to treating all situations as problems for which there must be technical solutions. The attitudes, values, ideals and goals which motivate and lead collusive, addictive and codependent behavior are rooted in hidden fears, desires, yearnings, needs, perceptions, thoughts, conclusions. The conclusions which those hidden considerations have led to are also hidden: only the behaviors and rationalizations to which they led are open for view by others. The confused behaviors and rationalizations of colluders, addicts and codependents make no sense to any person who is unaware of the hidden considerations which generated them. The rationalizations are incomplete, incoherent, and lack integrity: because key pieces of the twisted "logic" remain hidden. The rationalizations get from one step of the logic to another step of the logic in ways which are driven (both motivated and guided) by fear. The fears of colluders, addicts, and codependents are paradoxical fears: fears of abandonment, neglect, rejection, isolation, ridicule, etc. born in long forgotten childhood experiences. In a paradoxical way the fears are at the same time also fears of the unknown pleasures of nurture, attention, acceptance, community, confirmation, and love which would expose all the hidden inconsistencies, lies, deceptions and pretenses which have been used in childish defensive efforts to survive and achieve a false sense of security. Our fears can be stilled only by letting go and letting God lead us into personal relationships which are motivated and guided by Love which we cannot control. Yet we are driven by hidden fears which say we cannot trust anybody under any circumstances. We rationalize those fears and make our logic appear to be reasonable; but the motivation for the steps in the logic remains hidden in the most secret places of our memories of early passive and active abuse. Violence and neglect of all kinds leave their scars which remain hidden in most of us. We cannot cope creatively so long as the scars remain hidden and are not honestly dealt with. To regain our health we need to understand how our attitudes, thoughts, perceptions, logic and reasoning are often rooted in our hidden fears which drive us to repeat old mistakes over and over, without insight into the dynamics of our dysfunctional families of origin and their tragic behaviors. We need to uncover that which we have hidden, grieve our early losses in life so we can honestly deal with the reality of them, and see clearly how that which was hidden is driving us to repeat for our children the tragedies of our own childhoods. Those who cannot see and creatively deal with the mistakes of their own parents, are doomed to repeat those mistakes for their own children. The recovery process will be difficult to people who demonstrate an embarrassing disdain for some modes of communication: touching, affection, body language, facial expressions, sexuality, modes of movement, symbolic actions, music, dance, artistic expressions, etc. Recovery will be enhanced to the extent that all modes of communication are involved. Recovery will be stifled to the extent that some modes of communication are repressed and/or totally ignored. Integration is incomplete when some parts of the whole are systematically left out. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================