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This-essay is a7901191.htm which is available at the web-site See more notes at the bottom. Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay By-Months By-Years By-Words Webs of Like-&-Un-Like ESSAYS <==> Like-&-UN-Like This-One ========================================================== %BINDING CONSTRAINTS 790119 Jack and Jill's intimate relationship is unconventional. They feel constrained. Neither feels free to express their individuality and fulfill the potential of their relationship because of the constraints which they experience. Jack is more mature. Jill perceives Jack as very powerful, yet Jack does not do away with the constraints which so frustrate Jill. At some level Jill believes that Jack has the power to lift the constraints upon her freedom to express her individuality and fulfill the potential of the relationship with Jack. Thus, Jill perceives Jacks's failure to lift those constraints as a disaffirmation of the relationship between them. Such a disaffirmation is likely to be very disappointing to Jill; and produce anger, frustration, depression, etc. Jack is likely to be frustrated by the constraints which he experiences. He my perceive the constraints as originating in the traditions of a conformal society, and wish that Jill would cooperate in working to transcend those constraints which inhibit their relationships from outside the relationship. Jack is thus likely to be frustrated by any failure on Jill's part to work to transcend/overcome the external constraints. Jack may perceive the problem to originate outside of their relationship in an intolerant society---and seek to survive to cope in a revolutionary way within that intolerant society. To survive requires dealing realistically with the power structures and emotional immaturity of people in the broader society. Such coping might be mutual and a source of satisfaction and meaning to both Jack and Jill, a joint venture. If Jill perceives Jack as the origin of the constraints, she is likely to blame Jack for the frustrations she is having, rather than work with Jack to overcome the constraints which Jack perceives to originate outside their relationship. Jill's accusations are likely to baffle Jack and undermine Jack's interest in Jill. Jack is in need of affirmation to help compensate for the disaffirmations of the conformal society. If Jill fails to provide such needed affirmation, Jack is then without any affirmation---and can not survive for long. Jack can not meaningfully affirm Jill's perception of the situation without committing psychic suicide. Unless Jack and Jill can find ways toward mutual awareness of what is happening---their relationship will go down hill into the lowlands of the conformal society. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in Search for Integrity and Honesty (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================
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