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%TRUE-LOVERS GIVE SHARE WELCOME HOSPITABLE SIGNS 040410 %FREE WILLING ABLE READY CREATION INTEGRATIVE TALKS 040410 %BALANCED MUTUAL DIALOGUE SAFELY VULNERABLE INCLUDE 040410 %ACCEPTANCE INCLUSION EXCLUSION AUTHENTIC OPEN EVIL 040410 %JEALOUS OWNERSHIP PRETENTIOUS SECRETIVE COLLUSIVE 040410 True-Lovers give each other clear signals that they are free, willing, able, and ready to give themselves to each other and to the creation of integrative relationships within which they are mutually free to be safely vulnerable with each other. True-Lovers are inclusive, not exclusive. True-Lovers are patient, kind and gentle; not impatient, unkind and coercive/domineering. True-Lovers are authentic, open and honest; not pretentious, secretive and collusive. People who are jealous, domineering, addictive, controllers, etc. --- are NOT free, willing, able, OR ready to give themselves to each other in the creation of integrative relationships within which everyone is free to be safely vulnerable with each other. Such-people are exclusive, NOT inclusive. Such-people are NOT patient, kind or gentle; often being impatient, unkind, coercive and domineering. Such-people are NOT authentic, open, or honest; often being pretentious, secretive and collusive. In the light of the above, give some consideration to related human ways of viewing intimacy/honesty. Intimacy is closely related to honesty, authenticity, openness, true-dialogue. Jealous people do NOT define intimacy exclusively in terms of close-physical-contact! If a person whom they presume-to-own associates closely with a "competitor" in ways which are open, honest, authentic, and entail true-dialogue --- a jealous- presumptive-owner will object to "intimacy" --- even if there is absolutely no physical contact. They will object to them even looking into each other's eyes from opposite sides of the room! Mutually acknowledged eye- contact is objected to --- as much as physical contact is objected to. Which of the following is NOT a form of intimacy? 1. Being in dialogue about which religious views one takes seriously; and which religious views one is indifferent to; likewise for religious confessional- statements, rituals, taboos, etc. 2. Being in dialogue about which of one's own personal experiences have been most meaningful to oneself. 3. Sharing-with-each-other one's-own-personal: hopes, aspirations, fears, expectations, etc. 4. Sharing-honestly-with-each-other --- views of people in positions of authority, influence, responsibility, etc. 5. Sharing one's own beliefs about the best way to create healthy sexual relationships; and how best to avoid perverse sexual relationships. 6. Sharing one's own beliefs about how best to avoid getting trapped in relationships which are: domineering, coercive, dishonest, pretentious, addictive, arrogant, self-righteous, etc. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================