This-essay is a9709192.htm which is available at the web-site www.essayz.com. See more notes at the bottom. Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay By-Months By-Years By-Words Webs of Like-&-Un-Like ESSAYS <==> Like-&-UN-Like This-One ========================================================== %MAINTAIN PROTECT CONTROL HANDLES BUTTONS SECURITY+970919 %ADDICTIVE CODEPENDENT MANIPULATION PERSONALITY 970919 People with addictive/codependent personalities are fearful of chaos, disorder, lack of control, lack of controls --- and so fear the loss of controls, the loss of manipulative handles on situations, etc. They fear creativity and growth which calls into question traditional controls, handles and ways of being in control. If they themselves cannot be in control, they desperately want somebody else to be in control. If the means of control are lost, then nobody can be in control, and they panic. True lovers seek to liberate themselves, each other and others who are inhibited by excessive controls which undermine their ability to be true to themselves and each other in growing ways which are truly creative. They seek to honestly share with each other their experiences --- to be true to themselves and each other in open and honest relationships --- where they share and enjoy gifts of the freedom to be safely vulnerable in intimate ways which are not defined by any kind of controls. True lovers threaten people who have addictive and/or codependent personalities --- for true lovers are prone to act in ways which remove and/or render useless the handles by which addicts/codependents seek to control themselves, each other, and others such as true lovers. People who have been offered, have accepted, and enjoy true gifts of the freedom to be safely vulnerable in open and honest relationships --- are truly secure and so cannot be made to act defensively by manipulating their controls and by pushing their "buttons". Addictive and/or codependent personalities regard such a situation as intolerable --- one which must be prevented at all costs. Even the costs of general alienation are not excessive in their way of thinking; so they are quite willing to try to be in control in exceedingly alienative ways. Through the exercise of alienative controls they try to promote the kinds of "righteousness" which lead them to enjoy high levels of self-righteousness. They believe that "righteousness" depends upon proper conformity; rather than upon right relationships which are open, honest, loving and intimate. They alienate themselves from themselves, each other, and from other members of their "communities." (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in www.essayz.com Search for Integrity and Honesty (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================Lines beginning with a percent sign are KEYWORDS for use in ESSAY-System Searches. Their terminal digits are dates of writing in the format @yymmdd#, where @ = a means 99, @ = b means 20, and # = is a within-date essay-count. Links to date-adjacent essays are near page top & bottom.
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