This-essay is a9701181.htm which is available at the web-site www.essayz.com. See more notes at the bottom. Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay By-Months By-Years By-Words Webs of Like-&-Un-Like ESSAYS <==> Like-&-UN-Like This-One ========================================================== %OWN CONTROL PLAN GOAL FORMULA EXPERIENCE SHARE+970118 %FANTASY DREAM HOPE INTENTION EXPECT RELATION EVIL+970118 %SHARE OPEN HONEST DIALOGUE INTIMACY VULNERABLE+970118 %MESSAGES COMMAND PRESCRIPTION PROSCRIPTION LAW SIN 970118 When we seek and try to own, control, plan, formalize and/or goal-orient our intimate experiences and relationships---we focus upon coercive "you-messages" and become alienated, diverted, perverted, perversive, dysfunctional and so disintegrate ourselves, each other and our communities. When we seek, give and accept true security known as the freedom to be safely vulnerable within intimate relationships --- wherein we share our dreams, hopes, desires, visions, fantasies, fears, regrets, pleasures, pains and being---we become focus upon descriptive "I- messages" and become whole, united, focused, functional and integrative selves and communities. Healthy persons and communities are characterized by many communal bonds which maintain their integrity; their wholeness; their unity. Too often communities and individuals act in ways which lead to the breaking of communal bonds; fostering personal and communal disintegration. In efforts to control non-conformist individuals, many communities excommunicate non-conformist individuals- --thereby breaking communal bonds and engendering personal and communal disintegration; rather than personal and communal integrity. In efforts to escape from coercive and violent communal pressures to "conform," many non-conformist individuals rebel in ways which lead to the breaking of communal bonds; without building alternative healthy communal bonds---thereby engendering personal and communal disintegration. Communal bond-building and maintenance are not coercive, violent or conformal activities. Excommunication and rebellion do not build communal bonds. The more intimate our relationships and experiences are---the more important these considerations are. They are especially important in regard to sexual experiences and relationships. We need to create secure contexts within which we can give ourselves to sharing ourselves in intimate experiences which are not dominated by attempts to own, control, plan, formalize and/or "goal-orient" our intimate experiences. In the absence of such secure contexts where we can be safely vulnerable in open and honest dialogue---we focus upon coercive"you-messages" and become alienated, diverted, perverted, perversive, dysfunctional and so disintegrate ourselves, each other and our communities. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in www.essayz.com Search for Integrity and Honesty (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================Lines beginning with a percent sign are KEYWORDS for use in ESSAY-System Searches. Their terminal digits are dates of writing in the format @yymmdd#, where @ = a means 99, @ = b means 20, and # = is a within-date essay-count. Links to date-adjacent essays are near page top & bottom.
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