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This is http://www.essayz.com/a9607191.htm Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %SEXUAL PLEASURE JUST SAY NO COMPULSIVELY+960719 %INTIMATE RELATIONSHIPS VULNERABILITY LOVE+960719 %ADDICTIVE CODEPENDENT COLLUSIVE DISHONESTY+960719 %FANTASY DREAMS VISIONS DESIRES HOPES ASPIRE 960719 Teaching children, adolescents and young adults to "just say no" to sexual: pleasure, fantasies, dreams, visions, desires, hopes, aspirations, pleasures and relationships---is not the way to prepare them for healthy sexual relationships in later life. Just teaching young people "to say no to sex" often leads to dysfunctional compulsive relationships which are haunted by compulsive conflicting preoccupations with sexuality: repressed fantasies, dreams, visions, desires, hopes, aspirations, pleasures and imaginary relationships which are seeking expression; but which are in conflict with powerful authority figure messages that one must "just say no". In the absence of positive affirmations of sex as a good aspect of healthy human relationships---teaching young people to "just say no" leads to evil relationships in later life. The essence of evil is alienation. Teaching young people to "just say no to sex" leads to them: (1) becoming alienated from the authority figures who teach the lesson "just say no to sex": (2) becoming alienated from their own sexual natures, and (3) becoming fearful of and alienated from other persons with whom they might truly fulfill their sexual potentials within healthy sexual relationships. Young people need to learn how and when to "say yes to sex". Young people need to learn the hazards of premature sexual intimacy with persons who do not merit their respect and trust, and so to when and how to say no. Young people need to learn about risks and vulnerability in regards to sexual relationships: how to take appropriate risks, and how to be appropriately vulnerable in healthy sexual relationships. Young people need to understand that true security is the freedom to be safely vulnerable in intimate relationships---whether sexual or not---and how to gracefully give and receive gifts of true security. Young people need to learn to respect their own sexual desires and other people's sexual desires; and how to express them and respond to other's expressions of them in integrative ways. Young people are unlikely to learn these lessons when taught by authority figures whose only lesson is "just say no to sex". The process of developing healthy sexual relationships does not occur suddenly during or just after a marriage ceremony. The process of developing healthy sexual relationships is a life-long process. If it does not begin early it is likely to be a stunted process leading to unhealthy sexual relationships. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================