blog traffic analysis
This is Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %INVITE DEBATE DUEL BATTLE CONFLICT VIOLENCE WAR+960425 %DRAG SEDUCE CHALLENGE TRICK DEMAND ENGAGE OTHERS+960425 %EVIL ESTRANGEMENT ALIENATION MISUNDERSTAND SIN 960425 Contentious people often issue insistent invitations to others to engage in debate, duels, battles, conflicts, violence, wars and the like. Contentious people find there fulfillment in being contentious---in getting other people to join them in being contentious. It is no fun being contentious if you have nobody to be contentious with. Contentious people cannot have fun with people who are peace-makers and manage to get along cooperatively with others. Contentious people seek to set the agenda for non- contentious people. They ask questions, make proposals, make motions, issue statements, issue demands---to get others to join them in being contentious. Contentious people do not seek to resolve conflicts---for doing so would deprive them of the opportunity to find fulfillment in being contentious. Contentious people seek to promote and extend conflict---so that they can find their fulfillment in being contentious with other people. Contentious people often act as if they are earnestly doing the work of the God of Love. They are dead serious about their work for "The Lord". They Lord it over others in deadly ways. They know it all, and want to make clear that they know it all. People who disagree with them are clearly agents of The Devil. Such views serve their need for opportunities to be in contention with other people. They stir up a great deal of controversy to satisfy their need for contentious relationships. People who are not contentious and do not want to become contentious need to wary of contentious people. It is all too easy to accept their invitations to become involved in contentious debates which focus upon instances of disagreement---rather than focus upon instances of agreement. It is not difficult to find instances of disagreement and to encourage people to be fearful of those people who disagree with them. Paranoia is a disease which can easily be engendered in most people. With the encouragement of a few contentious people a few small disagreements can be fanned into a big fire and into uncontrollable paranoia and violence. Contentious people are often fearful people, for they fear that other people will threaten them---as they threaten other people. Threats are normal, to be expected. They expect other people to threaten them. It is normal to be defensive, foolish not to be defensive. They ask others to join them in their fearful and defensive approach to live. If we show we are reluctant to join them in their life style they are likely to think we are not worthy of respect and trust---for they will recognize we are "different". How are we to respond to the threats of contentious people and their life-styles? It is helpful to seek to focus attention upon what people have in common and upon what people are in agreement about. This can be done by the use of priority voting. In priority voting---lists of what people regard as true, important, valuable, urgent, essential, worthy, etc. are drawn up. Such lists should be formulated in affirmative ways, not in negative ways. The lists should indicate what people are willing to support, not what they seek to oppose. Given such a list, many people are asked to indicate how strongly they are inclined to support various items on such a list with their time, effort, money, affirmations, etc. Votes are tallied to find which people are in agreement with each other on which items---and cooperative efforts between people who are in agreement with each other are promoted. A prudent effort can be made to seek to avoid contentious activities. A conscious effort can be made to find bases for conflict-resolution, peace- making, and cooperation. A conscious effort can be made to avoid accepting invitations of contentious people to join them in being contentious. When contentious people are faced with the fact that there are many healthy people around them who are in agreement regarding many things, the contentious people may sometimes find that they can let go of their fears, defenses, and anxieties; and become involved in constructive cooperation. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================