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This is Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %SEEKING LOVE MISLEADING DISINTEGRATIVE WAYS EVIL+960319 %PERSONAL COMMUNAL INTEGRITY GOD CHILDREN CONFLICT+960319 %ALIENATION IGNORANCE EXAMPLE MENTOR ROLE MODEL SIN+960319 %ATTENTION DESIRE FAVOR COVET POSSESSION CONTROL+960319 %BEING-BETTER-THAN-OTHERS CLUB ORGANIZATION CHURCH 960319 Seeking love in misleading and dis-integrative ways and byways does NOT lead to or promote personal or communal integration. All of God's children need to be taught how to seek love in integrative ways and by ways which lead to and promoting both personal and communal integration. People who have not known and are not familiar with what true love is do not know what it is that they are seeking when they seek to know-and-enjoy whatever-it-is that they know is missing from their lives. Thus they seek in inappropriate places, in inappropriate ways, and with inappropriate people. We know we are missing out on something whenever we are ignored and do not make a difference in other people's lives. Thus we seek attention and we seek to make a difference in other people's lives. Because we do not know how to distinguish between integrative ways and dis- integrative ways (for lack of clearly articulated examples) we are prone to seek to make a difference and to seek attention in dis-integrative ways---for it is easier to get attention and to make a difference in dis- integrative ways; than in integrative ways. Thus too often we seek to get attention and make a difference in violent, coercive, manipulative, deceptive, arrogant, pretentious, exclusive and alienative ways. If nobody (or few people) truly love us and/or we are not familiar through previous experiences with the nature of true love---we may seek to be desired, wanted, respected or otherwise the focus of attention in dis- integrative ways. If the people around us are focused in exclusive ways upon cherished possessions, useful tools, and technologies; we may seek to fit into their pattern of attention and desires. We may seek to be cherished as a desirable possession, a useful tool or technocrat with desirable manipulative skills---and find that being possessed, used as a tool or managed for technocratic reasons is not the whatever-it-is that we have been missing out on. We may see that some people become the focus of much attention by unusual accomplishments which make them stand out in the crowd as the focus of attention; as in winners of races and winners of championship games. We may thus see competition as the way to achieve whatever-it-is that we have been missing out on. If we seek to take that way out of not being truly loved, we may succeed in becoming the focus of attention---only to discover that the attention we get is more exclusive than it is inclusive. Standing-out-in-the-crowd has a way of being standing- away-from-the-crowd and so separated from others who we are viewed as being "better-than". If we see some people getting attention by being- better-than others we may seek to get and enjoy whatever- it-is that we have been missing out on by setting up and working a program around being-better-than-others. The easiest way of being-better-than-others is to be in charge of the definition of being-better-than-others. Thus we take charge of setting up our own definitions of being- better-than-others; and discover that there is not much satisfaction in doing so all alone. Thus we invite others to join our "club" which is dedicated to being-better- than-others so that we can stroke each other inside the clubs which are dedicated to being-better-than-others. In tragic ways members of clubs which are dedicated to being-better-than-others tend to exclude each other from their respective exclusive clubs, and so members of different clubs are usually relatively ignorant of each other and do not understand each other. When they live on the same planet and desire to use the common resources of their common planet they often come into conflict with each other over the prioritization of planetary resources. When they seek to throw their garbage away in each other's territories they come into conflict. When they seek to exclude each other from their own planet so that they can fully possess their planet for themselves---they come into conflict. People who are seeking to be fulfilled by belonging to clubs which are dedicated to being-better-than-others are people who often come into conflict; and usually they are people who do not know how to leave conflict behind--- because their dedication to being-better-than-others is inherently a dedication to the generation and maintenance of conflict. They cannot conceive a dedication to conflict resolution and peace-making through the ways of true love; for such a dedication entails familiarity with whatever-it-is that they are missing, and so are ignorant of. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================