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This is Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %EXCLUSIVE PEOPLE FALLING IN LOVE IDEALS VALUES+951210 %ASSUMPTIONS QUESTIONS CONCERNS PREOCCUPATIONS+951210 %CONTROL COERCION VIOLENCE 951210 When exclusive people are falling in love, their falling in love tends to be dominated by issues of exclusivity; especially if they are not equally exclusive people---for then there are conflicts between and among their unarticulated ideals, values, assumptions, questions, concerns, and preoccupations. Exclusive people tend to think that it is impossible and/or improper for people to be fully responsive in open and honest dialogue with more than one other person "at a time". To exclusive people, openness and honesty are scarce resources---which must be rationed and limited to just one other person at a time. When exclusive people are falling in love, the process is dominated by questions of rights to being involved in fully responsive open and honest dialogue. If exclusive Jack is falling in love with Jill---when Jill has been intimately involved with John --- Jack is bound to be preoccupied with excluding John from fully responsive open and honest dialogue with Jill. There is bound to be conflict over who will "own" Jill, even if Jill and John are not exclusive persons. If Jill is not mature, she may fall into the trap of falling exclusively in love with Jack --- even though doing so will lead her into an abusive relationship. As people "fall in love" there are often many ways in which they are trying to sort out issues of inclusivity and exclusivity. The exact nature of that process of sorting out such issues depends upon what assumptions, attitudes, beliefs, convictions, perceptions, desires, they bring to the process of "falling in love". Much depends upon how well the participants recognize, name, describe and clarify the issues of exclusivity in intimate human relationships. If there are many "taboo truths" they are likely to be (or become) trapped in exclusive relationships within collusive games of mutual self- deception. The primary issues for them are likely to be issues of ownership, control, conformity and propriety. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================