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This is Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %PERVERTED CROOKED DISHONEST COERCIVE LOVE 941210 Love is often perverted and turned into the service of codependents who are supportive of collusive addicts. Perverted love serves the agendas of addictive conformists intent on generating perfection in self and others---in keeping with certain standards for judgment, condemnation and excommunication. Addictive conformists are experts in the generation of alienation, estrangement, ignorance, confusion and forgetfulness. Perverted lovers are sure of themselves, lacking in doubt, second thoughts, reflection and honesty in reflexive relationships. Perverted lovers pretend that they can control truth, themselves and each other---in keeping with their chosen standards for judgment, condemnation and excommunications. Perverted lovers are not troubled by humility which can undermine blind self confidence. Perverted lovers are not troubled by doubts which undermine arrogant self confidence. True love is free of arrogant self confidence. True love is free of conformal preoccupations. True love is not fixated upon issues of control. True love engenders honest listening. True love promotes reconciliation, not condemnations. True love works for conflict resolution, not winning. True love promotes peace, not violent coercion. True love promotes honesty, not conformity. True love promotes courage, not obedience. In true love people work to transcend the collusive games of mutual self deception which are played by addicts and their codependent supporters. In true love people are free of fixations upon appearances, respectability, acceptability, legalities, rules, regulations, prohibitions, taboos, judgments, condemnations, guilt, shame, punishments, retribution, revenge, getting even, scores, getting ahead and winning. True love is characterized as much by what is not fixated upon, as by what is present. False love is characterized as much by the presence of disintegrative preoccupations which pervert and mislead passions; as by noble intentions, visions, dreams and aspirations---which wear masks to look like true love. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================