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This is Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %ENGINEER CONTROL MANAGE ADMINISTER PATH PROCESS+940411 %GOAL PURPOSE DESTINATION ACHIEVEMENT WAY DESIGN+940411 %SPIRIT ATTITUDE ASSUMPTION BELIEF CONVICTION+940411 %I-THOU PERSON RELATION INTIMATE SEXUAL CONNECT 940411 Many of our evil relationships originate in the transferral of engineering assumptions and attitudes from the realm of objective relationships to the realm of spiritual and personal relationships. Engineers choose a goal, destination, purpose, design and/or path---and seek to control progress towards the fulfillment of the chosen goal, destination, purpose, design and/or path. Control is essential to the fulfillment of their choice. Accurate prediction of outcomes of behaviors is essential to the fulfillment of their choice. Control over outcomes is essential to the fulfillment of their choice. Responsibility for outcomes is seen as appropriate. Yet in the realm of reflexive relationships it is not possible to have the prerequisites to engineering success. Our challenge (to be integrated humans) is to find one way to recognize and enjoy a healthy balance between respecting the engineering paradigm in objective relationships, and respecting a spiritual paradigm in reflexive relationships. In reflexive relationships all attempts to be in control (as an engineer of the consequences of personal choices, decisions and actions) lead to alienative relationships; i.e., evil relationships. Healthy people resist being engineered. Healthy people have no desire to engineer, manage, or control other people. Desires and inclinations to engineer, manage, and/or control humans and their personal relationships---are symptoms of human diseases which occasion additional dis-ease. We will do well---and more often be well---if we shift our attention away from trying to define, engineer and achieve (through manipulative understandings, prediction and control) our particular chosen reflexive goals, statuses and relationships. Manipulative understandings of humans are the products of collusive games of mutual self deception; they are dishonest, unreliable and alienative. Because small variations in beginning conditions within reflexive relationships (which cannot be objective) can make catastrophic differences in outcomes-- -we cannot predict with any reliability the outcomes of our decisions and actions---and so we cannot be in control of the outcomes of our decisions and actions. It is futile to try to hold ourselves or others responsible for the outcomes of human decisions and actions. The best we can do is to be responsive; describing why we focused our assumptions, attitudes, attentions, interests, concerns, fears and energies as we have. Even though we cannot control the outcomes of our decisions and actions, we can play a major role in determining what assumptions we operate in terms of, with what attitudes we approach each human relationship and objective challenge, and what kinds of relationships we regard as most worthy of respect and support. We can decide to focus our assumptions, attitudes, attentions, interests, concerns, fears and energies in ways which will usually promote personal and communal integrity---rather than in ways which will usually promote personal and communal disintegration. We can gain some understanding of the dynamics of integration, in contrast to the dynamics of disintegration. We can be sensitive to what promotes alienation, and what promotes reconciliation. We can seek to work cooperatively toward global conflict- resolution and reconciliation; rather than unilaterally towards provincial achievements, superiority, perfection, and control. Rather than focusing others' attention upon our own selected goals and intended achievements---we can focus our attention upon what we can assume, what attitudes we can adopt, and how we can approach others beings---so as to facilitate the development of both personal and communal integrity for all of us or our planet as one coherent whole. We can increase our interest in quality integrative relationships, rather than be interested almost exclusively in objective manipulations and achievements without regard for either personal or communal integrity. For further suggestions along these lines the book "Return to Love" by Marianne Williams is recommended. Her presentation departs creatively from many of the traditional presentations which have often lead people into tragic attempts to be in control and better than others. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================