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This is http://www.essayz.com/a9306111.htm Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %STUMBLE FALL WALK ERROR MISTAKE FAIL SIN FIX LOVE+930611 %SEX INTIMACY LEARN PUNISH EXCOMMUNICATE EMBARRASS 930611 Stumbling and falling down are virtually inevitable experiences in the process of a child learning to walk. What is the effect on that process of learning if parents and others make a big and negatively colored fuss about stumbling and falling? "Fool, you are stupid and will never learn to walk properly if you aren't more careful! Be more careful! Don't you dare fall down again, do you hear!" Such rejection strikes paralyzing terror into the child and undermines the possibility of any healthy learning. When stumbling, falling, failing, mistakes and errors become a negative focus of attention, and little positive attention is given to successes and learning; the child is bound to become fixated upon stumbling, falling, failing, mistakes and errors; and not grow through the particular learning stage of life. The child will get stuck making the same mistakes over and over. The child will get stuck on "fixes" rather than be creative in growing through the normal learning stages of life. The foolishness of negatively colored attention focused upon stumbling and falling is pretty obvious in the instance of literally learning to walk. It is anything but obvious to most people in the instance of children learning to develop a healthy sexual life. All the rules, regulations, moral codes, embarrassments, prohibitions, injunctions and the like which surround the process of learning about sexual relationships focus negatively colored attention upon the immature aspects of growing into healthy sexual relationships in adult life. Many people get stuck at forbidden inter-mediate stages of growing up because of the negative attention which is focused upon those inter-mediate stages. The negative attention engenders the very behavior which negative the attention ostensibly is designed to prevent! The negative attention is itself a manifestation of being stuck at an inter-mediate stage in growing up into integrative personal and communal relationships; i.e., the immature stage where the preoccupation is upon addictive controls, rules, regulations, moral codes, injunctions; and embarrassment when they fail to work. In embarrassment over such failures participants develop collusive games of mutual self deception to hide their failures; because they have been taught by negative attention to hide their stumbling, falling down and other errors, mistakes and failures. The giving-of-negative-attention-paradigm is a paradigm which engenders endless opportunities to give negative attention, and offers endless opportunities to contend that humans are inherently defective, sinful and incapable of being good at what they try to do. Those people who set themselves up as superior and qualified to pass negative judgments upon those who fail, are people who often engender the kinds failures upon which they pass self-righteous judgments. Such failures provide the judges with food to feed their self-righteous self- perceptions; and the viscous cycle of disintegration continues under their blind leadership. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================