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This is http://www.essayz.com/a9304161.htm Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %REFLEXIVE KNOWLEDGE CONFLICT RESOLUTION VIOLENCE+930416 %ESSENCE OBJECTIVE RELATE PERSON REFLEXIVE CONTROL+930416 %HIDDEN TABOO TRUTH EXPERIENCE KNOWLEDGE AFFECTION+930416 %REJECT INSECURE DEFENSE ADDICT CODEPENDENT COLLUDE 930416 In a community where people are conditionally accepted and commonly rejected there is a great deal of manipulation of people's self esteem. In such a community people's self esteem is commonly wounded by self-esteem- violence and many people are seeking to get their self esteem fixed, repaired, made whole, healed, etc. In such a community it is difficult to promote health because there is much confusion about how to fix all that is "wrong". Many efforts to fix what is "wrong" are motivated and guided by disintegrative ideals and values which are themselves grounded in what is "wrong" in the community. Thus addicts and codependents seek to get their "fixes" from each other, and from the use and abuse of alcohol, drugs, work, sex, and through other compulsive fixations upon manipulative fixes. Their efforts to fix what is "wrong" with them are motivated and guided by their addictive, codependent and collusive games of mutual self deception. The efforts do not lead to satisfaction, meaning, or conflict resolution. Members of a community need to seek and discover the roots of personal and communal integrity in honest relationships; in being true to themselves and to each other. Searching for fixes to wounded self esteem in dishonest relationships with addicts, codependents and players of collusive games of mutual self deception is a futile search. Such people cannot fix anything with integrity; for they disintegrate anything that they try to fix in keeping with their ideals, values, attitudes, and confusions. Acceptance by them is part of a manipulative game and they cannot be trusted to be true to themselves or to others. A healthy self esteem is not based upon conditional acceptance which depends upon achievements, conformity, perfection, or other signs of merit. A healthy self esteem is rooted in the balanced personal and communal integrity of a community wherein gifts of true security are regularly offered and accepted within the context of mutual vulnerability, trust, and acceptance. A healthy self esteem is not achieved in a competitive way among people who are seeking reasons for rejecting all but the very best contestants. A healthy self esteem is not achieved on battle-fields where self-esteem is regularly violated, undercut and wounded. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================