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This is http://www.essayz.com/a9208051.htm Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %LETTING GO CONTROL INTIMATE RELATION RISK TRUST 920805 When we are becoming involved in an intimate relationship a central issue relates to letting go of being in control. There is much risk in letting go. The central risk involves the possibility of control falling into the hands of another person, a paradigm, a system of ideals and values, an ideology, a group, an institution, a religion, a city, state or nation. What is risky is not essentially the risk of not being in control. What is risky is the risk of control of the unique soul falling into the hands of powers which do not in any fundamental way respect the integrity of the soul, its uniqueness. When the uniqueness of the soul is not free to express itself because it is controlled from outside, then the soul dies; even if the body lives. We need to grow wise in assessing how trust-worthy other people, ideals, values, paradigms, ideologies, groups, institutions, religions, cities, states and nations are. We may be tempted to sell our soul by letting go and letting control pass into the hands of external powers. What is not so evident is that we need to grow wise in assessing how trust-worthy are the ideals, values, paradigms, ideologies, and attitudes which we are prone to internalize within ourselves. In letting go we may let down our defenses against internalizing disintegrative ideals, values, paradigms, ideologies and attitudes; and fall internally into the control of them, at the loss of our unique soul. Then we are not free to let go in true love, and cannot truly be intimate with others; for what we have internalized is not free to let go under any circumstances. To transcend our preoccupation with being in control we need to cooperate in creating fail-safe communal contexts in which members of each community give to each other gifts of the freedom to be vulnerable within secure contexts; contexts where control is not a central concern on the part of any powerful people. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================