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This is http://www.essayz.com/a9109293.htm Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %IDENTITY DISTRIBUTE RELATIONSHIP LOST LACK CONFUSE 910929 Our personal identity resides in our personal relationship with other people, and in the relationships among the various aspects of our self. When our personal relationships with other persons are confused, our identity is confused. When our personal identity is confused, we enter into confused personal relationships with other persons; with inconsistent foundations, structures and boundaries. When we try to control our relationships with other people --and so try to control the other people who play roles in our relationships; they respond by trying to control our relationships with them and by trying to control us. Reciprocal dishonest manipulations evolve. When our relationships with other people expand in unhealthy ways, so also does our identity expand in unhealthy ways. When our relationships with other people expand in healthy ways, so also does our identity expands and become diffused and ill-focused. When our relationships change, so also do our identities change. Upon the loss of a relationship through death, conflict, misunderstanding, separation or another event; we experience a loss of personal identity with some associated pain, anxiety and confusion. We cannot control our identity apart from control of our relationships. Because we cannot control our relationships, we cannot control our identity. Our identity is inherent in our relationships, so our identity is inherent in the structure of the communities of which we are a participant member. We cannot separate our identity from the structures of the communities of which we are participant members. We are who we are because of whom we relate to, and because of how we relate to those people who play roles in our relationships. We will do well to give careful attention to whom we relate to and to how we relate to them; for the structure, manner, tone and attitudes which pervade our relationships are what lead us to become who we become, and lead us to the kinds of satisfaction and dis-satisfactions which we experience in our health and/or our dis-ease. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================