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This is Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %COMFORTABLE GIVE ACCEPT RECEIVE HOLD HUG AFFECT 900801 To be comfortable with ourselves and each other we need to be able to give, to accept, to receive, to understand and to integrate both comfort and affection within the whole of our daily lives. If we are not comfortable with our self and with each other, we are not truly healthy, we are dis-eased; for we cannot be true to our self and to each other when we cannot be comfortable together. To be healthy we need to be honest together, with each other. It is not enough to be honest separately. True honesty involves sharing, integrating separated parts of the whole. True honesty entails integrating parts of the whole in an understandable way which is free of confusion and misunderstanding. In dishonesty the parts of the whole fall apart, become alienated, disintegrate, become incoherent, are inconsistent, are unreliable, etc. And yet, in a paradoxical way in dishonesty people try to compensate for their alienation through confusion in which they try to bring the separated parts back together with fusion which is con-fusion. This is done in an incoherent way which makes no real sense. It is done in: fusion which is incoherent confusion, manipulative togetherness which is coercion, addictive love which is falsely called "true-love" when it is in fact false-love, dependency which is compulsively clinging to each other with no freedom to be separate, no freedom to detach. People who are unable to give and accept comfort are not comfort-able with each other because they are not being honest with themselves and each other, about themselves and each other, in integrative ways. They are trying to manipulate each other and themselves to achieve the comfort which they have not authentically received, but instinctively miss in ignorance of what it is they they are lacking. Technical manipulations do not bring comfort, do not achieve comfort, cannot control comfort; do not make self and other comfort-able; i.e., able to offer, accept, receive and enjoy the comfort of intimate presence, hugging and holding. Manipulators are unable to enjoy the comfort of intimate presence, conversation, hugging and holding because such enjoyment is not possible in the absence of security which is the freedom to be vulnerable. We cannot be secure in the absence of the freedom to be vulnerable; because in its absence we cannot be comfort-able because we are not comforted and do not comfort. Technically competent technocrats are rarely comfortable. They dishonestly pretend that it is NOT important to be able to accept, receive and enjoy the comfort of intimate presence, conversation, hugging and holding. Such activities are viewed as not sophisticated enough to merit their attention. Such activities are too simple to be important, for to technocrats importance is associated with complexity and sophistication; and also with manipulations and the ability to be in control. The attitudes, values, ideals, and preoccupations of technocrats make them eternally uncomfortable-able. Thus they tend to be defensive and prone to use technology to try to achieve security through defensive maneuvers which undermine true security which is the freedom to be both vulnerable and comfort-able. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================