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This is http://www.essayz.com/a9007301.htm Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %AVOID DISHONEST EXCESSIVE PROMISES EXPECTATIONS 900730 It is sometimes not easy to avoid making (or giving the impression of making) dishonest promises and/or generating unreasonable expectations. Care needs to be taken to avoid involvement in promises which cannot possibly be fulfilled. We must all live within our limitations. It is often difficult to be honest about and deal honestly with just what our limitations are; regardless of our level of limitations. Some people are more handicapped and limited than other people; yet all people have the same number of hours of time to spend per day. Some people have more days of life to spend and/or more physical strength to devote to daily activities. Other people have greater creative imagination and abilities. Yet, no matter how great may be a persons' gifts, there are limitations. The greater a person's resources, the greater is the temptation to become involved in relationships which entail excessive commitments and/or expectations. Making many promises and/or generating excessive expectations may be a way of trying to earn respect and acceptance. People of many abilities who feel insecure may make promises and/or generate unreasonable expectations in efforts to endear themselves to people whose acceptance and respect they covet. Over-commitments spell future trouble and difficulty which will not generate endearment, acceptance or respect. There are overt and explicit promises and contracts. Addictive people and self effacing martyrs often become involved in excessive explicit promises and contracts. They are not being honest with themselves or with others about their limitations, and daily they repeat old mistakes over and over because their dishonesty does not permit them to learn from old mistakes. There are implicit promises and expectations which are generated by indirect behavior which encourages others to believe that certain additional behaviors will follow. Friendships develop and expectations of future friendly behaviors evolve. There are limits on how many intimate friendships a person can sustain. A person who is hungry for personal acceptance and affirmations may encourage an excessive number of other persons to expect time and attention beyond what is available; and so generate a trail of disappointment when the expectations cannot be fulfilled. There are games of mutual self deception in which people participate in encouraging each other to believe that together they will be able to accomplish feats which are beyond what their combined personal limitations will permit. They may join together in promising themselves to do what they together cannot do because of their human limitations. They may develop mutual expectations which are unreasonable because of wishful thinking which is not well grounded in an honest appraisal of their human limitations. Thus collusive games of mutual self deception involve unreasonable communal promises and expectations which are not firmly grounded in an honest appraisal of communal limitations. To fulfill promises and expectations requires the use of limited resources. Resources may be limited in the sense of being non-renewable on the human life-time scale, or they may be limited in the sense of there being a limited amount available per day per potential user; e.g., sunlight. In any case there are limited resources which can be used to fulfill promises and expectations. Failures to be honest about resource limitations can lead people into making excessive promises and/or encouraging the development of excessive expectations. To avoid personal and communal disintegration we need to be honest with ourselves and others regarding the limitations which exist with respect to our resources and our abilities to fulfill promises and expectations. In the absence of such deliberate honesty we are sure to generate disappointments and disintegration. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================