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This is http://www.essayz.com/a9006232.htm Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %PERMIT KNOW YOURSELF GROUP SUPPORT LOVE RULES JOY 900623 The personal recovery from unhealthy tacit rules of collusive games of mutual self deception is exceedingly difficult in the absence of the support of a group of reliable friends who are committed to actively permitting each other to know themselves openly and honestly. Living as a child or youth in a group of people (family, school, business, church, etc.) who are unable to permit each other to know themselves openly and honestly usually generates early survival skills which in adult life evolve into codependent reflexive attitudes and behaviors, and promote associated addictive attitudes and behaviors. Such skills are ultimately unhealthy, and confuse their victims so much that they cannot see why they are unhealthy. The recovery of health and a zestful living style is facilitated by the antidote of a support group of honest friends who encourage each other to know themselves openly and honestly within the supportive context of the group. Within such a friendly group the unhealthy earlier lessons may be recognized, acknowledged, mourned, let-go; and so transcended. Some of the first steps towards recovery of health involve the discovery/creation of such support group(s). Where healthy support groups do not already exist it is essential for people in need of them to discover ways of creating them. This not an easy process for people who have learned that they cannot trust anybody! People who are honestly seeking to recover their health need to seek each other out. This may be done through the process of taking small risks to test how trustworthy potential friends may be. Upon discovering people with whom it is safe to be honest, it helps to seek to gather together a group of people who are honestly seeking the freedom to authentically be themselves. Such a support group can cooperate in developing a new life style in place of compulsively trying to reflect each other's expectations in houses of mirrors where nobody knows themselves as a unique person. In such support groups understandings need to develop regarding the importance of permitting each other to know, feel, acknowledge, and share themselves as they actually are; rather than as they think others want them to be. Steps need to be taken to gently elicit honesty and to charitably confront dishonesty. Acceptance of and celebration of authenticity; and disappointment with pretense should be the rule, not the exception. Honest dialogue is bound to run into roadblocks because unhealthy life-styles are so often the comfortable status quo styles which are defended due to fear of the unknown healthy life-styles which stand in the shadows of the wings of the stage of codependent and addictive lives. The process of personal recovery is not only an intellectual process. It involves more than the processing of facts and cognitive statements of abstract relationships. The process of recovery is not essentially a quantitative process, and it cannot be described/facilitated by primarily quantitative considerations. The process of recovery is not a technical procedure, and cannot be accomplished by people who are essentially technical experts. An essential aspect of recovery of health is the recovery of both personal and communal integrity in ways which balance both personal and communal needs for integrity. Thus communal support groups are essential to the recovery of health, and people seeking recovery of health need to gather together to form such support groups wherever they do not yet exist. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================