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This is Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %ADDICT LOVE CODEPENDENT VIRGIN CONTROL VITALITY 891101 The addict often envies the vitality of the unspoiled virgin who is not yet seduced into addictive or codependent patterns of thought, feeling and behavior. The virgin is seen as in possession of something which it would be good to own and control; a mysterious vital force which the addict lacks. The addict seeks ways to benefit from that vital possession and so seeks to gain control of the vitality of the virgin. The vitality of the virgin relates to the virgin's ability to be openly and honestly responsive. The virgin enjoys a free domain of communication which the addict does not enjoy. The addict's communications are under the control of some plan to achieve some goal or vision, they are calculated communications, not authentic communications. The addict envies in others the vitality which the addict does not have, and seeks to discover and gain control of the key to that vitality. The addict does not recognize that to enjoy the vitality which is desired, the addict will have to give up a whole set of personally manipulative attitudes, values, ideals, and goals. In fact the key to vitality is a key which threatens addicts' whole world view. The vitality is characterized by honesty which will expose all the collusive games of mutual self deception which appear to the addict to be the keys to security and success. The efforts to gain control of the key to the desired vitality will be unmasked by the integrity of the virgin, or the integrity of the virgin will be destroyed by the manipulative efforts of the addict. The virgin may respect the addict for the power, wealth, possessions, control, etc. which the addict appears to enjoy. The virgin may be seduced into adopting the world view of the addict. In that seduction the virgin loses the vitality which the addict envied. The addict is then frustrated by the failure to gain control of the key to the vitality which was desired from a distance. If the virgin is seduced into becoming the servant of the powerful addict, the virgin becomes a codependent supporter of the addict who cannot cope effectively as an addict. The virgin may be seduced into thinking and feeling that fulfillment is to be found in self-less service. Soon the virgin finds that there is no longer any real self, and there is no personal identity which is real apart from the manipulative addict. The relationship lacks meaning and vitality, but the self does not have enough self esteem to assert self enough to escape from the trap of the seductive relationship. The virgin is no longer a virgin, but a used person who is imprisoned in an addictive/codependent relationship which lacks integrity. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================