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This is Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %CHILD ADULT PARENT IMPERFECT SUBSTITUTE HONEST 891021 When we were infants and children we had limited experience and limited basis for understanding the nature and extent of our parents' limitations and imperfections. To encourage our/their sense of security we learned to ignore their limitations and imperfections, putting them out of mind, repressing them. Respect, obedience and our sense of security were thus enhanced. As adults we are the children of our childhood experiences, and of the lessons we learned as children. The child of our childhood within us remembers the lessons we learned, and respects and honors the parents we knew in our childhood, without proper regard for our parents' limitations and imperfections. In our confusion we do not deal honestly with the facts of our early lives. We make dishonest substitutions because we cannot face the facts of our parents limitations and imperfections. To face those facts would force us to deal with the repressed issues and conflicts relating to power, abuse, authority, impotence, insecurity and despair which were buried in our childhood without creative resolution. The child within us as adults still cannot cope with those conflicts, and fears to challenge the image we carry of parents without limitations and imperfections. We dishonestly substitute false images for the truth, and fail to face the tragic consequences of our dishonesty, because we do not know how to be honest with integrity and courage. Our limited and imperfect parents did not teach us how to be honest with integrity and courage through word, deed and example. They did not know how, and now we do not know how to teach our children how to be honest with integrity and courage through word, deed and example. These considerations apply most obviously in the instance of families torn by the strife which is characteristic of overt addiction, codependence and fanaticism. The considerations also apply in more subtle ways in instances of families torn by more subtle forms of addiction, codependence and fanaticism; yet the damage can be equally real and lead to progressive advances of the diseases from generation to generation---unless creative steps are taken to arrest the diseases through appropriate honest and charitable confrontations. It is helpful for each generation to understand in some way the nature of the disintegrative process so that each generation can be better able to teach the next generation through word, deed and example how to be creatively honest with integrity and courage. Often the generation which does not take a successful step forward falls back two or more steps. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================