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This is http://www.essayz.com/a8907151.htm Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %JACK & JILL PRETENSE PERPETUAL ADDICT CONTROL 890715 Jack and Jill are preoccupied with always being in control; perhaps they want, perhaps they feel that they should be in control. It is not exactly clear. In any case, control is their perpetual preoccupation. They never feel free to let go, to let down, to relax, to be themselves without conformity to some principle of control. Jack and Jill are preoccupied with controlling other people's perceptions to get other people to perceive what Jack and Jill feel/want/expect others to perceive; whether true or not. Jack and Jill are preoccupied with controlling other people's behaviors to get others to conform to what Jack and Jill feel/want/expect others' behavior patterns to be. Jack and Jill believe/feel that their very beings depend upon how well they are in control. They believe/feel that if they fail, there will be no substance to their being. If they fail they will be nothing. If they fail for a moment, they will become nothing; they dare not let go, let down, relax or be themselves, for if they do they will become nothing. Jack and Jill do not accept the truth that there is very little that they can control; instead, they act as if they should/want/need (to) be in control of everything. Since they do not accept the truth, they pretend that it (the truth) is not true. Jack and Jill pretend that they can be in control of all that they try to control. Jack and Jill are pretentious in thoroughly dishonest ways which make every moment of their lives an exercise in dishonesty. They are constantly fabricating misleading appearances and trying to make them hang together as if they were true; such a job is perpetual, there is no letting down. Jack and Jill cannot be honest with others about their dishonest efforts to always be in control, for such honesty would undermine their effort to maintain the appearance of substance in their being what they want to appear to be. To be honest would undermine the substance of their being. Jack and Jill cannot be honest with each other about their dishonest efforts to always be in control, for they each are trying to control each other, just as they are trying to control others. They are addicted to each other as codependents in their efforts to pretend to be what they are not. They are participants in a collusive game of mutual self deception; they are not participants in a conspiracy to deceive others according to a joint plan which they know to be dishonest. They do not really know that they are being dishonest. They really believe their own misleading statements and behaviors. They cannot be honest with each other because they do not know what is true. They do not know the difference between truth and falsehood. Jack and Jill cannot be intimate with each other or with anybody else. Intimacy involves honesty, and they cannot be honest. Jack and Jill are trying to be in control because they want to be accepted, and they believe that they can achieve acceptability. They have not been authentically accepted and are trying to achieve acceptability. They do not know what authentic intimacy is, but they are trying to qualify for intimacy; to be accepted into intimate communal relationships. But their efforts are utterly counter-productive because they do not understand the nature of true: love, intimacy, acceptance, friendship, community, integrity, salvation, redemption, heaven, etc. Experts like Jack and Jill are trying to achieve national security through defensive measures and are leaders in the arms race, scientific research, and technological innovation. They have not achieved what they intended to achieve; but the reverse. Yet even now they cannot be honest about the consequences of their intense efforts. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================