This-essay is a7912022.htm which is available at the web-site www.essayz.com. See more notes at the bottom. Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay By-Months By-Years By-Words Webs of Like-&-Un-Like ESSAYS <==> Like-&-UN-Like This-One ========================================================== %VIOLENT EXPECTATIONS 791202 Personal relationships may be inhibited by violent expectations. When a specific kind of behavior is coercively expected, it is impossible to share in it in a meaningful way. Spontaneity can be killed by expectations. The signals of violent expectations are rarely explicitly verbal, tending to be given by eye contact, facial expressions, body language, and by implication. The powerful person giving the signals is often totally unaware of the signals, and may not be conscious of the expectations. Such a person is likely to become disturbed by behavior which challenges the expectations, yet may deny that the expectations are real. On the other hand, the person may regard the expectations as representing the only thinkable kind of behavior; and be baffled at the suggestion that there is any other way to behave. Expectations generate conformal behavior, not spontaneity and friendship. Friends and lovers must be free of coercive expectations. If expectations lead to bitter disappointments and breakdowns in communication, they are probably expectations which are coercive and violent. The expectations are often not fulfilled because the person toward whom they are direction feels coerced and violated by than; and to maintain personal freedom refuses to conform. Yet, even in the refusal to conform the victim is violated; for the refusal to conform is dictated by the violent expectations. The victim is trapped in a double blind. The desire to fulfill the behavior which is expected independently of the expectations is made impossible by the expectations. To fulfill the behavior in spite of the expectations is to engage in behavior whose meaning is robbed by the expectations. To refuse to fulfill the behavior because of the expectations is to deny the desire to fulfill the behavior independently of the expectations. Much of our pleasure is associated with anticipation. To anticipate in hope is not the same as to expect with the power to assure fulfillment of expectation, for expectation combined with power occasions coercion. Hope is not coercive. We often slip from anticipation with hope into expectations which undermine the fulfillment of the hope by the subtle threat of coercive disappointment. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in www.essayz.com Search for Integrity and Honesty (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================Lines beginning with a percent sign are KEYWORDS for use in ESSAY-System Searches. Their terminal digits are dates of writing in the format @yymmdd#, where @ = a means 99, @ = b means 20, and # = is a within-date essay-count. Links to date-adjacent essays are near page top & bottom.
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