This-essay is a7811291.htm which is available at the web-site www.essayz.com. See more notes at the bottom. Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay By-Months By-Years By-Words Webs of Like-&-Un-Like ESSAYS <==> Like-&-UN-Like This-One ========================================================== %CARE CONCERN RULES LOVE 781129 Sometimes it seems to people that the only way to express concern for another person is to enforce rules to assure proper, safe, wise, loving behavior. If enforcement of rules is the only familiar way of expressing concern, of caring, then to fail to enforce rules is a sign of not caring, of having no concern for the welfare of the other person. Discussions of the futility of the rules will not get to the heart of the problem if rule enforcement is the only known way of caring, being expressive of concerns, of loving. It may seem better to express concern in a futile way than not to show concerns, not to care. What is needed is a demonstration by a role model of alternative ways of expressing concern, of caring for the other person. Only when alternatives to alternatives to futile rules are familiar is it easy to give up enforcement of rules as the way of caring for someone whom we love. In the absence of role models who love in non- legalistic ways to people who care may fall into the trap of loving in legalistic ways, of showing care and concern through the enforcement of legalistic rules designed to assure safe, wise, proper, prudent, good, etc. behavior. People tend to use the best way of coping with which they are familiar. If they are not familiar with a satisfactory way of expressing care and concern they will use the best among the unsatisfactory ways of coping with which they are familiar. Abstract knowledge of a way of coping is not enough. Familiarity is essential. Familiarity comes only from living with the way of coping as demonstrated by role models who are respected and affirmed within the subculture upon which one depends for affective nourishment. One can not feel familiar, comfortable, at home with a way of coping which is represented only by verbal statements. Care and concern may be expressed through: service, listening, dialogue, affection, giving, accepting, sexuality, affirmations, releasing, letting go, responsiveness, etc. Punishments, threats, excommunication, shunning, ridicule, restraining, confining, imprisonment, etc. are perverse ways of showing concern---used by people who are not familiar with genuine love. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in www.essayz.com Search for Integrity and Honesty (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================Lines beginning with a percent sign are KEYWORDS for use in ESSAY-System Searches. Their terminal digits are dates of writing in the format @yymmdd#, where @ = a means 99, @ = b means 20, and # = is a within-date essay-count. Links to date-adjacent essays are near page top & bottom.
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