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This is Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %NECESSARY SUFFICIENT RESTRAINT DISCIPLE LAW ORDER 980720 Our efforts to develop healthy intimate human relationships often fail ---- for lack of agreement upon necessary, sufficient, proper and respectable modes of guidance, restraint, discipline, etc. Throughout history many attempts have been made to articulate guidelines, rules, disciplines, principles, ideals, values, prescriptions, proscriptions, taboos, etc. --- to guide, restrain and discipline human relationships. There has rarely been agreement about when such articulations are: 1. Necessary, essential, mandatory, of ultimate concern, and/or exclusively valid. 2. Generally worthy of respect, honor and support. 3. Worthy of respect, honor and support only under particular described circumstances. 4. Prone to mislead people and promote tragic disintegration. Disagreements about and conflicts over articulations have usually been over considerations about what should be done when people fail/refuse to honor the articulations in word and deed. Less often have disagreements and conflicts revolved around the content of the articulations themselves. Conflict is over their status in judgmental, judicial and informal intuitive considerations. Conflict is particularly intense among people who are preoccupied with: exclusivity, dichotomous propositions, purity, controls and certainty --- perhaps because of deep levels of insecurity and anxiety nurtured in their early lives. Such people fail to show respect and support for balance, personal integrity and communal integrity --- because they are excessively preoccupied with other considerations. When considering any articulations regarding human intimacy --- we need give careful thought to whether or not the articulations merit respect, support and honor as: 1. Descriptions which helpfully point to particular aspects of many intimate relationships; 2. Necessary, essential, mandatory, of ultimate concern, and/or exclusively valid --- as pre- scriptions and/or proscriptions; 3. Guidelines which are generally worthy of respect, honor and support; 4. Suggestions worthy of respect, honor and support --- only under particular circumstances; OR AS 5. Articulations which are prone to mislead people and promote disintegration. Often conflicts over the status of articulations pertaining to human intimacy --- engender more disintegration than would the absence of such articulations and/or the absence of respect, honor and/or support for them. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================