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This is http://www.essayz.com/a9510282.htm Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %IMPOSSIBLE LOVE CONTROL PREOCCUPATION ADDICT+951028 %LOVE INTIMACY SEXUALITY INTEGRATION COOPERATION+951028 %WAR CONFLICT RESOLUTION TERROR VIOLENCE EVIL SIN+951028 %RELAX REST SABBATH SUNDAY LET GO SECURE DEFENSE 951028 We cannot love or be together in love so long as we are preoccupied with issues of control; e.g., who is in control, being in control, control towards what goal or achievement, being controlled by whom or towards what end, etc. If we are preoccupied with issues of control we cannot relax or let-go---for we must control our appearances lest anybody catch us off-guard and use our vulnerability as an opportunity to take advantage of our weakness and control us. If we are preoccupied with issues of control we cannot be truly secure---for true security is the freedom to be safely vulnerable when not in control. If we are preoccupied with issues of control we are bound to be constantly defensive and alienative---because we dare not be vulnerable with our defenses down and run the risk of being controlled by another person, who like us is preoccupied with issues of control. If we are preoccupied with issues of control we are bound to be engaged in conflicts where we are manipulative, coercive and violent---for we and others who are preoccupied with issues of control are bound to try to manipulate each other in coercive and violent ways---in our efforts to be totally in control on our own terms. If we are preoccupied with issues of control we do not dare to be engaged fully in cooperative ventures---for such cooperation makes us vulnerable in ways which undermine our possibilities of being fully in control. If we are preoccupied with issues of control we cannot cooperate in conflict resolution efforts---for all true conflict resolution entails openness and honesty about our needs, fears, desires, hopes and aspiration--- and so entails vulnerability and letting go of preoccupations with issues of control. If we are preoccupied with issues of control we cannot be peacemakers---for peacemaking entails conflict resolution which is impossible for people who are preoccupied with issues of control. If we are preoccupied with issues of control we are dammed to hellish lives of conflict, coercion, dishonesty, alienation, violence, anger, resentment, depression and hopelessness. If we are preoccupied with issues of control we need to consider carefully the price we are paying for our continued preoccupation with issues of control; let go of such futile preoccupations---and take some new kinds of risks which are unlikely to lead to such great sacrifices as our preoccupation with issues of control. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================