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This is http://www.essayz.com/a9309042.htm Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %ULTIMATE WANT DESIRE TRUE SECURITY INTIMACY SEX+930904 %DISHONEST TECHNIQUE MANIPULATION DEFENSE PLAN+930904 %SYSTEM CONTROL ADDICT CODEPEND SCIENCE KNOWLEDGE 930904 We cannot achieve through our own efforts the fulfillment of our ultimate wants and desires for true: security, intimacy, sexuality, community, meaning or other similar ultimate desiderata. When we plan a systematic way to use means to achieve such desiderata we often undermine the integrity of the contexts within which the fulfillment of such desiderata is possible. Manipulations designed to achieve the desiderata in some planned and systematic way include secretiveness, deception, misleading behaviors, dishonesty, falsehoods, pretending that the truth is not true, pretending that falsehoods are true; so leading us into collusive games of mutual self deception. The first step into our collusive games of mutual self deception may be believing that we can achieve through our own efforts the fulfillment of our ultimate wants and desires for true: security, intimacy, sexuality, community, meaning or other similar ultimate desiderata. Given the first step many other such steps follow naturally. Defensiveness and defenses are symptoms of insecurity; not means to security. True security is a received gift, not an achievement. True intimacy and sexuality are not the fruits of technocratic efforts on the part of individuals to achieve them as goals. Rather they are the indirect fruits of the fulfillment of commitments made by partners to each other to be true to self and others in cooperative efforts to build an open and honest personal relationship characterized by: responsiveness, balance, justice, forgiveness, mercy, charity, sympathy, diligence, work, generosity, inclusivity, mutually learning from mistakes made, etc. If we have serious misconceptions regarding the way to the enjoyment of true: security, intimacy, sexuality, community, meaning or other similar ultimate desiderata, then we are unlikely to find any true way to their fulfillment regardless of: how sophisticated we are, how hard we try, how many resources we squander, and how many people we get to agree with our misconceptions. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================