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This is Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %STUCK DOUBLE BIND ADMIT MISTAKE EMBARRASS CHANGE 921222 Often we get stuck in double bind situations when we do not feel free to admit that we have made a mistake. Our community may not have given us the security needed for us to feel free to acknowledge our mistakes without fear of ridicule, punishment, rejection, and excommunication. We may feel it is safer to pretend no mistake has been made (and so repeat the mistake as if it was not a mistake); than it would be to acknowledge the mistake which has been made (and so be free to avoid repeating the mistake). Communities through their leaders need to learn the cost to the communities of NOT giving to members of the communities the security (the freedom to be safely vulnerable) which is necessary for the community to learn and profit from the mistakes of the members of the community. If embarrassment, ridicule, punishment, rejection and excommunication are regarded as normal sequels to mistakes; then members of the community and the community as a whole are bound to be trapped in double binds wherein creative change is apparently impossible; and mistakes and crises become a way of life. The gift of security needs to be given very early in life, when new members of the community are new-born infants and during their earliest months. Important lessons are learned for life during those months. Attitudes are formed and set for life in response to how we are treated, handled, ignored, cared for, used and/or abused during our early months of life. Those lessons are not easily changed through later teaching and experience, for the early lessons are to us the definitions of the nature of reality given to us in powerful non-verbal languages. Later verbal language is not powerful in the ways in which the non-verbal messages were delivered to us as infants by our parents and members of our extended families. What we can learn from our mistakes as adults, depends critically upon how well we were given the gift of security (the freedom to be safely vulnerable) as infants. The future peace of the world depends upon how we treat our infants today. That should be kept in mind as we set political and business priorities in our communities. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================