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This is http://www.essayz.com/a9207241.htm Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %AVOID DANGER HARM RISK FEAR CONNECT CHANGE NEW 920724 Much of our life is guided by inarticulate rules which we follow to help us avoid danger, harm, fears, connections, change, renewal, embarrassment, etc. Such rules lead us to engage in patterns of life which transcend individual actions/inactions, yet often lead us into disintegrative relationships. It is not so much the individual actions/inactions which are disintegrative; but that the pattern taken as a whole lacks balance, integrity, health, etc. The tacit rules which we thoughtlessly follow may lead us to become frozen people by how they inhibit us; keeping us from revealing ourselves through: gifts acceptance creativity presence confession contribution conversation listening dialogue descriptions interjections additions intimacy sexuality I-Thou-being expression friendship letting-go face-expression eye-contact love affection touching forgiveness It is the pervasive inhibiting influence of tacit rules which may rule our lives, without us or others realizing what it is that is ruling our lives. We will do well to seek to become aware of the presence of and pervasive influence of such rules. The above words suggest some types of avoidance which are disintegrative and do not merit respect. On the other hand, there are some situations in which a wise form of avoidance does merit respect: We need to wisely avoid: 1. Being manipulated by others who show no respect for our personal integrity. 2. Falling into collusive games of mutual self deception. 3. Becoming unbalanced by exclusive foci of concern. 4. Preoccupation with control, perfection, imperfections and judgments. 5. Preoccupation with personal acceptance/rejection. 6. Seeking personal fixes for personal defects. 7. Trying to make ourselves be "acceptable". 8. Compensating for our insecurity and low self- esteem with defensiveness and over-confidence. 9. Expecting others to compensate for us not doing what only we can do for ourselves. 10. Using dishonesty as a manipulative tool. We need to learn to recognize the different disintegrative forms of avoidance and integrative forms of avoidance; and to avoid confusing one form with the other form. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================