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This is http://www.essayz.com/a9104291.htm Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %CHILD AVOID EVADE SILENT QUIET ISSUE CONFLICT 910429 In dysfunctional families many times children learn to cope/survive by avoiding, evading, hiding, being silent and being quite about conflicts which members of their family are embarrassed by, and are unable to resolve openly and honestly. Certain topics are not talked about, and 35 messages are given and received that such topics are not to be talked about. The tacit rules say it is very important to avoid the topics, evade the issues, hide interest in them, pretend not to know, be quiet about them, not make an issue of them, and pretend that the conflicts relating to them do not exist. Keeping quiet may be an effective survival strategy for a child who does not have the power to effectively oppose the more powerful parents and teachers who participate in collusive games of mutual self deception. It is dangerous for a relatively powerless child to reveal critical thoughts and creative feelings relating to how dishonestly parents and teachers behave. Thus children often learn to be silent, quiet, invisible, and to avoid issues and conflicts---in order to survive. Silenced children often become the parents of their own inner adult selves, who live to perpetuate the dysfunctional patterns of behavior which prevented them from resolving conflicts when they were children. Silenced children do not grow up, AND they become adults who are unaware of all that has been silenced within them; and so as adults they are unable to cope with their silenced thoughts, feelings, conflicts and embarrassments. They in turn silence their own children, and the cycle repeats over and over and over. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================