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This is Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %SEXUAL LOVE TECHNIQUE GOAL MEANS BOND ACHIEVE TRY 910211 For people who are in love with each other sexual achievements are not goals, means, or techniques for impressing each other with their power, lovability or acceptability. People who are truly in love with each other are comfortable with their degree of mutual sexuality before, during and after they are sexually involved in whatever degree and with whatever amount of public awareness of their involvement. People who try to use sexuality as a goal upon which to pin hopes in achievements, find that when they reach their goal it is like the end of the rainbow on the far mountain side; not there when you get there. People who try to use sexuality as a means to achieve goals in business, communal or personal relationships find that they do not have control over the effects of attempting to become sexually connected for those purposes. Sexuality as a tool is dysfunctional and leads to dysfunctional relationships and lives, whenever attempts are made to use sex as a tool. People who approach their sexual relationships with preoccupations which are focused upon the technology of achieving sexual connections, find that they are not in control of the technology or in control of other people's responses to their attempts to be in control of the technology. Sexuality does not work effectively as a way of impressing others who seek to be impressed---because true sexuality is not about manipulations of impressions. Sexuality does not yield to attempts to use it as a means. Neither does sexuality yield to attempts to control it when it is regarded as a threat or danger. Guidelines for sexuality often become conformal standards used as guidelines for rejection, alienation, estrangement, excommunication and dis-fellowship. When conformal standards for sexual lifestyles become mandatory, they tend to become evil in the sense that they lead to alienation. People who find that they cannot use sexuality as their reliable tool may come to regard sexuality as an uncontrollable evil, and may seek to control sexuality through avoidance, repression, suppression, etc. Their thoughts are not logical and are an expression of their sexual frustration. They focus their attention in inappropriate ways which divert attention from taking care of personal and communal integrity. They make their rules regarding proper sexual behavior into idols which they worship as of greater importance than either personal or communal integrity. Such people often insist that other people worship the idols which they have created. Their behavior is evil in the sense that it leads to alienation. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================