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This is http://www.essayz.com/a9012221.htm Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %AFFECTIVE SPECIALISTS CONFORM ACCEPT DIALOGUE LOVE 901222 Affectively limited specialists accept others into dialogue on the basis of their conformity to rules regarding inclusion and exclusion of aspects of a whole integrated life. Due to our finitude we cannot be and do all that we might be and do. We must choose to do and be only some small portion of what we might be and do. Due to our finitude we must specialize our being and doing in one way or another as regards associations, friendships, work, study, thought, perceptions, affections, sexuality, spirituality, etc. We cannot all be identical with integrity. It is inevitable that we will specialize in different ways--- in order to be our finite selves with integrity. To be our selves truly with integrity we must openly and honestly accept our differences in open and honest dialogue, not expecting conformity to rules regarding what shall be included and what shall be excluded aspects of a whole integrated life. If we have not been given and/or have not accepted the gift of security in true love, we are prone to be insecure and feel threatened by that which is strange, unfamiliar, different, etc., due to others being-and- doing that which is not like our kind of specialization. When others who are being themselves and doing things in ways which are different, we may feel threatened just because we feel insecure and we are confronted with a difference, something unfamiliar and strange. There may be no objective threat, even though the subjective experience of threat is real to us. The essence of interpersonal relationships cannot be found in the objective aspects of interpersonal relationships. Controlling the objective aspects of interpersonal relationships will not truly control the nature and quality of the interpersonal relationships. Knowing the details of the objective aspects of interpersonal relationships does not correspond to knowing the true character and nature of the interpersonal relationships. Thus we cannot know that other people's interpersonal relationships are truly different from ours in any important ways, just because there are differences between the objective aspects of our relationships. Thus, we cannot know if they are conforming their interpersonal relationships to some proper standard for propriety of interpersonal relationships by basing our knowing upon knowledge of the objective aspects of their relationships. Personal integrity entails integrity within inter personal relationships, and so of interpersonal relationships. Yet there is no way in which we can measure personal integrity through consideration of the objective aspects of interpersonal relationships, for the essence of interpersonal relationships cannot be found in the objective aspects of interpersonal relationships. The integrity of interpersonal relationships can be known only through participation within the relationships, and so the integrity of interpersonal relationships cannot be known objectively; even though the integrity can be known reflexively. The objective aspects of interpersonal relationships point to the possibility that there is or is not integrity therein; for objective disintegration is not often a characteristic of interpersonal relationships of integrity. Yet, objective stability may indicate little more than a frozen state in which there is no growth or change. Thus the absence of objective disintegration is not evidence of the presence of personal integrity in interpersonal relationships; even though the presence of objective disintegration suggests the lack of personal integrity in interpersonal relationships. We cannot guarantee integrity within interpersonal relationships by requiring certain forms of the objective aspects of interpersonal relationships. The objective aspects of interpersonal relationships are but projections of the whole relationships onto the objective plane of reality. The objective plane does not encompass all dimensions of interpersonal relationships, and many different relationships may project onto the objective plane in the same way, and so appear to be identical in the objective plane. Thus interpersonal relationships which differ in integrity in the reflexive dimensions, may project onto the objective plane of life in essentially the same way; and so appear in the objective plane as being essentially identical. When we try to control each other we motivate each other t project ourselves into the objective plane to appear to be in conformity with rules of propriety, when in fact in the reflexive realm we are not conforming at all. Our attempts to control each other in the objective plane of life thus lead to disintegrative dishonesty in the reflexive dimensions of life, and so we are not truly ourselves, and disintegrate. People who specialize in objective relationships as scientists, engineers, administrators, teachers, parents, etc. tend to diminish the importance of reflexive relationships in their lives. In the extreme instances such specialists regard overt participation in reflexive relationships as a sign of lack of dedication to the kind of objectivity which should be expected of reliable scientists, engineers, administrators, teachers, parents, etc. When they try to control each other they motivate each other to project themselves into the objective plane to appear to be in conformity with their rules of propriety, when in fact in the reflexive realm of their lives they are not conforming at all. Their attempts to control each other in the objective plane of their lives thus leads them to disintegrative dishonesty in the reflexive dimensions of their lives, and so they lack integrity and so disintegrate. They engage in disintegrative activities which ultimately become projected into the objective plane in the coercions, manipulations, violations, and violence in the many forms of seduction, abuse, threat, paternalism, terrorism, addiction, codependence, militarism, and war. The roots of the technocratic society are fed by affective specialists who cannot accept others into open and honest dialogue where people are being themselves with personal integrity, which includes all aspects of a whole and healthy life within an integrative community. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================