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This is Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %FEAR NATURAL CONSEQUENCE PERSONAL REJECTION EVIL 900925 The reasonable fear of the natural consequences of falling, fire, flood, cold, etc. serves a useful purpose in motivating us to avoid the circumstances where we would likely suffer such natural consequences. It is reasonable to fear such natural consequences and to take steps to avoid them. The fear of personal rejection in a community which threatens personal rejection for failures to conform to coercive expectations, is another kind of fear which does not serve a useful purpose; for conformal behavior does not eliminate the threat of rejection, and so does not eliminate reasonable fear of rejection. The two kinds of fear need to be distinguished from each other, for they are different in important ways. Coercive communities which demand conformity as the price for personal acceptance, do not withdraw the threat of rejection as a reward for conformity. The threat of personal rejection is always maintained, and so the fear of such personal rejection seems reasonable so long as the threat of rejection is maintained. Conformity is not a satisfying response to the threat of personal rejection, because conformity does not eliminate the threat and danger of personal rejection. In such a community fear is perpetual and disintegrative. The wise response to threats of personal rejection as punishment for failure to conform, is to transcend the apparent need for conditional acceptance from coercive people who issue threats of personal rejection in efforts to control others and who try to produce conformity to some standard pattern of behavior. The people who issue such disintegrative threats of personal rejection, are participants in addictive and codependent behavior patterns involving collusive games of mutual self deception. They are dishonest. They are not authentic people. People do not genuinely need conditional acceptance; even though all people do need honest love, affection and dialogue within secure contexts. The authentic gift of the freedom to be secure in open and honest dialogue is an authentic response to a real need. However, the offering of conditional acceptance in return for some form of conformity is NOT an authentic response to a real need; thus such false offerings should not be respected or desired. It is foolish to seek conditional acceptance, for conditional acceptance is of no real value; those who offer conditional acceptance have nothing of real value to offer, for they do not honestly know what authentic love is because of their dishonesty. The transcendence of the apparent need for conditional acceptance involves in some way recognizing that conditional acceptance is dishonest and is evil because it leads to disintegrative personal an communal behavior patterns. The transcendence of dishonest manipulations is rooted in being honest and clear about how and why such manipulations succeed in getting people to do violence to their own personal integrity, and to the integrity of their community. With such honesty and clarity we can take the steps we need to take to change our perceptions, attitudes, beliefs, convictions, ideals, values and goals so as to cease being vulnerable to such manipulations. So long as we fail to make such changes ourselves for ourselves we will continue to be vulnerable and will be victims of our own failure to change ourselves. Others have no power to prevent us from making the changes in our selves which will set us free. We can be free if we truly seek to be free in honest efforts to change our selves in the light of a clear and honest understanding of how and why disintegrative manipulations succeed in getting people to do violence to their own personal integrity, and to the integrity of their community. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================