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This is Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %TRUE LOVERS HONEST KNOWLEDGE IMPRESSION SECURITY 900724 True lovers are not preoccupied with impressing each other or other persons. True lovers are secure persons in their own being, and are not desperately seeking to find their identity or security in each other. True lovers know who they are, and are becoming new beings in mysterious paradoxical ways, are comfortable with that knowledge, and are willing to share it with each other. They value and respect each other's privacy, and are not driven by dishonest secrets which they cannot share and/or cannot extract from each other. True lovers give each other spaces in their togetherness, because they know that they need to spend time in private to renew themselves in serene meditation and prayer through which they seek both personal and communal integrity. True lovers do not show respect for dishonest impressions, and are not preoccupied with dishonest impressions. True lovers desire to know each other honestly without intrusion or coercion; eliciting revelations by meriting trust through giving freely the gift of security which is the freedom to be vulnerable. True lovers seek to free each other to reveal personal thoughts, desires, feelings, fears, concerns, frustrations, hopes, disappointments, etc. They do not accuse each other of feared behavior, out of fear of the loss of each other's conditional acceptance. True lovers want to know each other as they are, not as they might be. They are most interested in each other as whole persons, rather than as individuals who have achieved for themselves desirable personal possessions, attributes, reputations, skills, knowledge, appearances, etc. True lovers are growing and participate in changing relationships. Their mission in life is not, however, to save, rescue, serve, or reform the other. True lovers travel the way of love in life together; they do not believe that to be in love you have to have arrived, or that if you are in love you have arrived. True lovers value each other's fellowship, but are not terrified at the thought of being without each other. They are comfortable being themselves by themselves doing their own things, and come together to be together through choice; not through any compulsive desperation, drive, fear, panic, need, or concern. If they lost each other, they would honestly face and grieve their loss; and continue being themselves with personal integrity. True lovers are reliable. Their promises can be trusted because they honor their promises. Yet they are not preoccupied with fulfilling expectations or having their expectations fulfilled apart from promises freely made and contracts freely agreed to. Their lives are not driven by intuiting, anticipating, analyzing and trying to communicate and fulfill expectations which are only implied in tacit ways without mutual confirmation and agreement. They are not distracted by echoes of unspoken expectations ringing in their subconscious lives. They honestly say what they mean, and mean what they say, and do not participate in collusive games of mutual self deception. True lovers are more interested in each other than in romantic settings and circumstances. They are in-love with each other; not with romantic settings, with the idea of being in a certain kind of relationship, or with being able to take advantage of what each other has to offer. They seek to be honest with each other, not to make impressions on others by their public associations with each other. True lovers do not merely associate with each other for the purpose of maintaining a relationship; they are honestly with each other in true intimacy which is free of efforts to impress each other, or others. Their relationship is not a technical means for achieving some goal in a competitive enterprise. They are themselves openly and honestly in their times together, and enjoy being themselves and growing together in ways which they did not and could not plan in advance, or control according to any plan or intention. True lovers do make and carry out plans individually and together; but they are not preoccupied with being in control of themselves, each other, or their relationships. They know that their fulfillment does not rest in being in control, but in resting secure in the knowledge that true love is a very fundamental reality in the nature of our most fundamental relationships, within this universe which was created and is coherent and unified through the power of Love. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================