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 %ADDICTIVE ATTITUDE PEOPLE OBJECT TOOL MEANS ABUSE 900717

     Addicts are looking for tools, means, fixes.

     Addicts  approach objects,  and people  perceived  as
objects,  with an attitude which leads them to see objects
and  people as possible tools to be used and abused to get
fixed,   to  get a fix,  to compensate for  the  emptiness
within.   The addictive attitudes lead away from authentic
intimacy to objective manipulations.

     Addicts tend to ignore the wills and souls of people,
and  to  regard  people  as means to be  used  to  satisfy
addictive  desires  and needs.  So long as  the  addictive
paradigm  and  attitudes survive in  addicts,   all  their
experiences  and  behaviors are dominated by the drive  to
achieve  fixes of whatever they perceive as being in  need
of fixing.

     Addicts see themselves and others as being in need of
fixing. They see objects and people as tools to be used in
fixing whatever needs to be fixed. They have a certain set
of attitudes; attitudes which are certain, fixed, static.

     Fixing  is an honorable manipulative process.    Good
people  are  successful in fixing what needs to be  fixed.
Experts in fixing are in control, and fix what needs to be
fixed,  and thereby achieve acceptability.  Experts who do
not  fix  what needs to be fixed are not fulfilling  their
responsibility to be fixers,  and are not accepted and not
respected.

     Good  people are good means to fixing people who need
to be fixed. People who refuse to help fix people who need
to be fixed are not good people,  and are rejected.  To be
accepted one must be ready, willing and able to fix people
who need to be fixed.

     Many  people  who need to be fixed are  unaware  that
they need to be fixed.  Codependent supporters of  addicts
are ready, willing, and think they are able to provide the
fixes which such people appear to them to need.  They have
a fixation upon providing people in need with fixes.  They
are good at recognizing people whom they feel are in  need
of fixes.

     Addicts  are good at recognizing good people who  are
ready,   willing  and think they are able to  provide  the
fixes which addicts think they themselves need.

     Addicts and codependents are good at recognizing each
other,    and  connecting  in  frantic  bonds  of   mutual
dependence;   but  they are not good at being  honest  and
dependable to each other.

     Addicts  and codependents are full of promises,   but
they tend to offer promises which they cannot keep, and do
not actively plan to keep. They do not make adequate plans
to  keep promises while working within their  own  limited
resources.   They  do not make adequate plans.  They  have
vague  intentions and expectations,  but do not engage  in
careful  planning  and  budgeting of their  limited  time,
money, and resources.

     Addicts   and  codependents  are  eternally  full  of
desperate  hope and anticipation that things will turn for
the better; but they are not full of realistic plans to do
what   they   can  do  to  change  their  own   attitudes,
assumptions,   beliefs,  and habits so that they  will  no
longer  play  the  roles of helpless victims  of  external
circumstances. They trust that luck, good fortune, and the
efforts  of  significant others will make  the  difference
which they need;  but they themselves do not honestly seek
to make that difference themselves by doing what they  can
do best for themselves.

     Addicts  and  codependent supporters look  for  fixes
external to themselves;  but do not honestly look for ways
to  restore  health and integrity to their  own  spiritual
lives  and personal relationships.  No amount of  external
fixing  will  fix people who are not looking for  ways  to
restore health and integrity to their own spiritual  lives
and  personal relationships.  Addicts cannot be  fixed  by
codependents. Codependents cannot fix themselves by fixing
addicts.   Being in a "true love"  addictive  relationship
does  not fix the participants in the dishonest  games  of
such  relationships,   no  matter  how  sophisticated  and
successful they may appear to be.

     The   hunger   and   emptiness    within   call   for
authentically   true  love which insists upon  honesty  in
relationships,   and the call will not be stilled by fixes
in the absence of real personal honesty.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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