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This is http://www.essayz.com/a9006052.htm Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %TRUE APPRECIATE LOVE TRUST RISK CONTROL WISH ASK 900605 We cannot truly appreciate and love that person or thing which we have manipulated into behaving according to our wishes, desires and expectations. We cannot truly appreciate whatever we control. To appreciate some person or thing is to acknowledge that we have not, do not, and cannot control that person or thing. Where there is no risk or trust there cannot be true appreciation. We appreciate the fulfillment of a trust which we place in another person where there is some risk in that trust. If we have taken steps to eliminate all the risk in expecting some particular behavior, then there is no trust and true appreciation of the outcome is impossible. To the extent that we have eliminated all risk in a relationship between ourself and another, we have eliminated the possibility of true appreciation of the other; and any appreciation we may show is a pretense, is dishonest, is not true appreciation. Such pseudo- appreciation is a continuation of the manipulative process by which we appear to have eliminated all risk. We cannot eliminate all risk; for we cannot be fully in control. We cannot fully control others' behaviors because we cannot fully make our own behavior and life conform fully to any intended pattern of behavior and consequences by which to fully control others. To fully control is to know in advance a desired outcome and to make sure that the desired outcome is the consequence of our behavior and of the behavior of those around us. Only fools believe that they have achieved or can achieve full control in real human situations. Only fools play foolish games of mutual self deception within which they believe that they have or can achieve full control. Such an achievement of the appearance of full control is possible only through the denial of the truth about ourselves and others. Such denial involves the disintegration of the health of our mind, body, spirit, soul, community, and self esteem; of all that is essential to our being the best we can be. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================