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This is Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %ACCEPT PERFECT CONFORMITY OTHERS EXPECT REJECT JOY 900523 Infants, children, adolescents and adults who are affirmed and accepted only when they conform to external expectations learn to do violence to their own integrity; for they are not affirmed and not accepted when they are true to their own self and sense of what brings them joy and pleasure. In frustration they learn to be dishonest and manipulative addicts, and are devoid of joy and true pleasure. When people are rejected for imperfect conformity to external expectations, they learn to be dishonest about their degree of conformity; for perfect conformity to external expectations is absolutely impossible. Expecting people to conform perfectly to external expectations is an instruction to people to be dishonest, and contributes to the addictive disintegration of themselves and their community. Rewarding presumably perfect behavior is a similar instruction to be dishonest and contribute to addictive disintegration. Expectations of conformity to external expectations are manipulative means by which members of an addictive society seek to achieve the control which addicts think will bring salvation. The expectations are dishonest and violate people's personal integrity. A preoccupation with perfection in such conformity is especially violent, and it is perverse to regard such perfection as a sign of "goodness". Often "goodness" is defined in terms of perfectly avoiding association with any action which is defined as "bad"; either in personal action or in association with people involved in personal action. Alienation from real people is the only way to perfectly avoid such associations. Such a definition of "goodness" is an evil definition in that it leads people into disintegrative pseudo-relationships which are essentially dishonest. Such definitions are favored by addictive personalities who are preoccupied with being in control. Such definitions are not respected by people who enjoy personal and communal integrity in honest intimate relationships. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================