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 %NURTURE CARE MYSELFISH RESENT BALANCE CODEPENDENT 900324

     If  we are out of balance as regards how much of  our
time,  energy,  and resources we devote to taking care  of
ourself,  and how much to taking care of  others---we  are
bound to have an attitude problem.

     Our  attitude problem is both caused by our being out
of balance, and is the cause of our being out of  balance.
The  more out of balance our attitudes are,  the  less  we
engage in balanced caring for ourself and others;  our and
their attitudes reflect the abuses inherent in the lack of
balance  in our attitudes and behavior.   An unbalance  in
attitude and behavior leads to a rate of change in balance
proportional  to  the  degree of unbalance,   and  in  the
direction of unbalance;  and so to exponential change away
from balance.

     To  maintain balance we need to devote time daily  to
maintaining balance.  Balance is not achieved once and for
all;   it  must be maintained day by day all  through  our
changing lives.

     If  we  do  not devote an appropriate amount  of  our
time,  energy, and resources to taking care of ourself, we
are  bound  to resent the imbalance at some dim  level  of
consciousness;  and have negative attitudes  towards those
whom  we serve in unhealthy ways.   Our negative attitudes
are bound to undermine the  quality  of  our relationships
with those whom we serve as  codependents;  and  set us up
for   additional   attempts  to  fix   the   deteriorating
relationships  with  additional unbalanced  and  imprudent
service.

     If  we  do not devote an appropriate  amount  of  our
time,    energy,   and  resources  to  developing  healthy
relationships  and  being  supportive  of  our  neighbors'
efforts  to  take care of themselves;  they are  bound  to
develop  negative  attitudes  towards us  because  of  our
unresponsive  attitudes  and  behaviors.    Our  negligent
attitudes and behaviors are bound to undermine the quality
of  our  neighborly  relationships;  and  set  us  up  for
conflicts  which  originate in  the  resentment and  anger
which are nurtured by such imbalance.

     These  considerations are spelled out in  simple  and
easy to understand language by Dr.  Spencer Johnson in his
short  book  "One  Minute for Myself".    It  offers  well
expressed  suggestions  appropriate to people  trapped  in
addictive/codependent  relationships within  dysfunctional
families,   churches,  schools,  colleges,   universities,
businesses, and political contexts.  He tells an effective
story which makes the points which need to be made in very
personal ways.
                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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