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This is http://www.essayz.com/a8907284.htm Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %STRAIN STRESS TENSION EXPECT INTEND ADDICT COLLUDE 890728 The difference between our intentions/expectations and the reality of our lives generates strain, stress and tension; all the more when the differences are great and noted with rejective concern by those who matter most to us. When we are not what others expect/intend for us, and they hold power over us, then we are under strain, stress and tension in proportion to the extent of the threat that they will personally reject us and inversely in proportion to the size of difference their rejection make to us. The strain, stress and tension are increased when we internalize in ourselves the threats of rejection which come from outside of ourselves. Often we can not control the differences between expectations/intentions and the realities of our life. There is much which we cannot control. The strain, stress and tension is heightened when the intentions/expectations lead us to try to be in control of that which cannot be meaningfully controlled. In futile efforts to reduce our strain, stress and tension we try to appear to be in control of that which we cannot meaningfully control. If we cannot control the reality of the differences we may try to control the appearance of the differences as perceived by ourselves and others. Appearances become more important to us than reality, and in meaningless ways we try to gain control of the appearances of reality as we and others dishonestly experience ourselves and others. This way to try to reduce tension, stress and strain is counterproductive. The more we fabricate appearances which are not true to reality, the more we must work constantly to maintain the apparent coherence of the appearances, or to undermine people's desire to see reality as having coherence and integrity. The more we succeed in our games of mutual self deception, the more difficult it is to maintain the false appearances. We become more and more afraid that ultimately there is integrity in reality, and that our false fabrications will fall apart; so our strain and stress and tension increases. The use of misleading behavior to try to reduce tension leads to heightened insecurity, defensiveness, distrust, coercion, apprehension, and violence. These are common experiences, but they are not commonly interpreted in ways that help people to learn from the mistakes which lead to the experiences. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================