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This is http://www.essayz.com/a8903211.htm Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %SEX COMPENSATE LACK LOVE SECURITY INTIMACY JOY 890321 Often people assume that by finding the right sexual partner they will be able to compensate for the lack of authentic love, security, intimacy and joy in their lives. Given that assumption such people are likely to approach all sexual relationships with misleading expectations, and their sexual relationships are unlikely to be as integrative as they might be. The assumption which is often made places the burden of effort upon finding the right partner. Failure leads to seeking the right partner elsewhere; to more experimentation with different combinations. Failure can often be traced to systemic failures of the community which may be trapped in addictive, co- dependent, collusive habits of mind and heart; such habits affect all possible sexual partners and looking elsewhere will not transcend the dilemma. To transcend failures we must in some way transcend the habits of mind and heart which have lead us into the failures. Tragic failures are not technological problems, they are non-technological dilemmas and predicaments. No technique can be devised to transcend genuinely tragic failures; for the essence of tragedy is not a technical matter. Unsatisfactory intimate relationships cannot be made satisfactory through exclusively technical means; although technical considerations may play a secondary role in transcending unsatisfactory intimate relationships. The error that is most likely to be made is to assume that an unsatisfactory intimate relationship is unsatisfactory due to technical considerations. There is also some danger that the error might be made of assuming that it is exclusively a non-technical matter in which technical considerations will play no role. Exclusivity of either kind is a block to integrative behavior. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================