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This is Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %PREPARE PARENT CHILD BEING INDEPENDENT GROW LOVE 890314 Family life is the process of preparing parents and children to be able to live independent lives; and so to be able to enter into relationships characterized by honest love, rather than by compulsive dependency. Children who do not grow up continue to be dependent upon their parents in a clinging and/or rebellious way. Rebellious children define themselves in rebellion against their parents, and so are still dependent upon their parents in their definitions of their own identities. Clinging vines are more obviously dependent. In a healthy family children begin early to learn of the need and the skills for taking care of themselves; so that they may be free to live independently rather than dependently. The freedom and skill to live independently is essential to healthy relationships of interdependence. People who are not free to live independently are not free to be interdependent; they are imprisoned in relationships of dependency. Children who equate being taken care of with being loved do not learn to take care of themselves; and do not learn to recognize healthy love. The essence of real love resides in the quality and quantity of communication more than in the quantity of care giving. In real love relationships there is real dialogue which is open, honest, authentic, and regular. In unhealthy relationships there is a lot of care giving which is not associated with any dialogue; or is associated with communications which are not open, not honest, not authentic, and irregular. Helpful parenting prepares children for helpful parenting. Misleading parenting prepares children for misleading parenting. Creative people help break the cycle of misleading parenting and help to start creative cycles of helpful parenting. Helpful parenting entails habits of mind and heart, intellectual frameworks, role models, and supportive communities. Breaking the cycles of misleading parenting will involve changes in all that is entailed in parenting. It is unreasonable to think that any aspect of that which is involved in misleading parenting can continue unchanged as the disintegrative cycle is broken. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================