blog traffic analysis
This is Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %LOSS LACK CONTROL INTIMATE RELATION RISK TRUST 890108 There are situations where loss of control is very dangerous; e.g., in the management of large equipment at high speed or with otherwise great danger of damage. In such situations maintenance of control is essential to human and communal integrity. There is good reason to fear the loss of control in such situations. There are other situations in which there may be only the appearance of control; but where in fact control in the sense of control of large equipment is not possible, yet there may be a fear of the loss of control. People can fear losing that which they only think they have, even though they do not have that which they fear losing. People can be afraid of losing control of that over which they have no control. People cannot truly control each other; but people can appear to have control of each other. If people are under the delusion (even a mutual delusion) that they have control of each other, then they may fear the loss of that appearance of control as if it were a possible true loss. The way to eliminate that fear is through the realization of the fact that the control is only an appearance, not a reality. The usual way people try to deal with that fear is through intensification of manipulative efforts to maintain the appearance of control. Such efforts are fundamentally misleading, dishonest, collusive and/or addictive in character. They are part of the games of mutual self deception which are played by addicts and their supportive codependents. It is important to be careful not to lose control when maintenance of control is truly essential. It is also important not to try to maintain control when the maintenance of control is impossible; for the latter kind of effort is bound to be a collusive effort, the maintenance of a dishonest appearance. Loss of control is safe in contexts where it is safe to be vulnerable, when security is assured by the communal context. Loss of control is not safe in the absence of the freedom to be vulnerable, when one is truly insecure. People foolishly try to maintain control when they feel insecure and defensive. It is important to provide security so that people do not feel the need to foolishly try to maintain control which cannot be maintained. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================