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This is Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %FEAR OF INTEGRATION OF INDIVIDUALITY 880324 People who are on the defensive naturally fear the possibility of the loss of their individuality which they regard as their essence which must be defended at all cost until death. They regard the integration of their self into a broader whole as the essence of death, and so seek to avoid their integration into that which is greater than them. They fear union with others because they regard union with others as an evil loss of their sacred separate self which must be defended against assimilation. When confronted with their own desire for union, fears and blockages arise from within their isolated self and keep it apart from others. Their isolation is defended in futile efforts to achieve security in isolation; never realizing true security which is real only in open and honest intimacy. In their fear they can not make real that which they desire, because they fear it as a threat from outside; when the desire they fear originates inside them, and seeks its fulfillment beyond them in others. People who are on the defensive often confuse themselves and others, not knowing any clear boundaries. That which they fear in others is not clearly apart (separate) from themselves, and so is experienced as a fearful part of themselves; but not as a coherent or integral part of themselves. Instead of being an integrated whole, they are a confused collection of parts with no sense of any boundaries or any limited range of responsibility. Not recognizing their limited responsibilities such people try to be overly responsive and responsible, attempting to do what they can not do, and pretending that they are doing what they can not do. In their isolation they have unrealistic impressions of their grandeur as independent centers of power and control. While seeking to be in control with power, they can not find the way to become integrated into a coherent whole with power and meaning in the fulfillment of their potentials as unique interdependent individuals. Defensive people can not become all that they might become, because they are too busy trying to defend their confused conceptions of what they are in an unchanging way. They do not have the flexibility to be growing responsive people. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================