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This is http://www.essayz.com/a8802251.htm Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %CONFUSED INTERNALIZED EXTERNAL REFERENTS 880225 Jack has internalized external references in terms of which he seeks to gain approval. Many of the external references are promises of conditional acceptance, and threats of conditional rejection. Jack treats as essentially his own the invited external agents which are not committed to promoting his personal integrity or the integrity of his community. Jack has blurred the boundaries between himself and the external world, he can no longer tell where he ends and where others begin. Jack can not deal with external threats and problems as outside of himself. Jack can not get in touch with his own feelings as his own. The boundaries are gone and threats are everywhere; inside and outside are the same. In his confusion Jack can not cope effectively and projects blame everywhere because identities are undifferentiated. There are no differences in terms of which to localize responsibility. Requiring people to internalize external criteria for conditional acceptance upon conformity to what is proper --- leads to Jack's problem; to addictive behavior in which it is difficult for a person to figure out how to cope because of the confusion about what is inside and what is outside. With a loss of personal boundaries it is difficult to be responsible by being responsive. Requiring proper conformal behavior leads ultimately to confusion and all kinds of disintegrative behavior. Trying to control people through threats of rejection does not lead to control, it leads to the disintegration of both personal and communal integrity. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================