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This is Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %CONTROL FULFILLMENT EXPECTATIONS 870615 Jack used to find fulfillment in Jill's unexpected and wonderful behavior. Jill used to pull surprises and please Jack in miraculous ways which Jack did not understand. Jack wanted and needed more of that kind of fulfillment. He wanted to understand and control Jill to insure that he got more of what he wanted. He expected to get what he needed and wanted. He wanted Jill to fulfill his expectations, and gave Jill signals that she should do so. Jill was not pleased by Jack's attempts to control her behavior; and her desire to please Jack with unexpected and wonderful behavior was undermined. Jill used to find fulfillment in surprising Jack. In the face of Jack's manipulative efforts Jill found it hard to find fulfillment in surprising Jack. Jack's expectations and demands got in the way of spontaneity. Even when Jill did some of the traditionally wonderful things, their magic was gone because they corresponded to some of Jack's manipulative expectations. Often Jill would not do something because she got signals from Jack that he was expecting her to do them, and would be disappointed if her behavior did not conform to his expectations. Even if Jill wanted to do something, she did not feel free to do what she wanted to do, because Jack's efforts to control her elicited a defensive move of rebellion. In Jack's effort to be in control of his relationship with Jill he has destroyed the mystery and miracle of the relationship. Jack can not depend upon Jill to provide the mystery and miracle which his attempts at control have destroyed. Jill can not freely give what Jack demands that she give, and its meaning is absent when it is given upon demand. Human relationships can not be understood, predicted and controlled through scientific knowledge based upon analysis. The scientists' paradigm does not fit the situations in which the miracle of human relationships spin magic and meaning out of common situations in unexpected ways. Scientists' can not succeed by repeating the experiment to demonstrate success over and over so as to prove how success can be achieved in reflexive human relationships. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================